Mom Loves Her ‘Me Time’
OK, bear with me...I promise, I’ll connect this irresistibly cute dog photo to divorce.
In a recent session with a mama standing on the edge of divorce, she recounted a story that kind of broke my heart.
So many women who finally find their way to a divorce are long overdue for some self-care and self-advocacy. In fact, so much so that they don’t know where to begin. They’ve lost so much of themselves in marriage and motherhood and all the other life pulls, that they look at me blank-faced when I ask questions like...
What brings you joy?
What would feel better?
What do you need?
How could you fill your own cup?
What do you want?
Where do you need support?
We mothers often think busyness and being in service to others is the most honorable thing...but it’s not. When you rob yourself, you rob others of your brightest light.
Think about that a moment.
Who are you beneath the dim of all that has held you back, made you feel small, suffocated you?
Back to the mama I started telling you about. One day as she was heading out the door to go grocery shopping, one of her kids asked her if she could come. My client said, “No” (which was a bit out of character for her to begin with) and her husband said in a sarcastic manner for all to hear, “No, you can’t go because Mom loves her ‘me time’.”
He intended the criticism and shame.
This felt like a stinging jab for my client.
I could see it in her body language as she shared the encounter.
Then I chimed in... “Damn straight mom loves her ‘me time’!”
My client laughed. But I was serious.
I followed this up by stating, “What if your spouse is right, after all? What if you were to own the importance of ‘me time’?”
Just because he assigns a meaning to something doesn’t mean you have to adopt it.
[mic drop]
I asked her to consider what message she is sending her kids about filling their own cups? That it’s something shameful? That if you care for yourself, you are taking something away from someone else?
No. No. And more No.
Classic gaslighting at play.
If you have an encounter like this, witness what comes up for you. Witness how something makes you feel. Witness what is whispering to you.
Maybe that means you need to scream something from the top of your lungs. Hey family, new game in town. New mama and new ways.
What if this mama had turned around to her husband, in front of her kids and said, “Yep. Mom LOVES her ‘me time’ — it’s so important to take care of yourself so that you can show up for all that is most important to you. And in the spirit of that, not only am I going to go to the grocery store alone, I’m going to stop at a coffee shop beforehand and just read or journal or daydream for 30 minutes. See you soon.”
Radical, I know!
Allow yourself to exhale. Allow yourself to express your truth. Allow yourself to take action steps to support that.
Go ahead, mama.
Grab a calendar and schedule some ‘me time’.
While you’re at it, allow yourself to be supported as you go.
Is it time to break old patterns, release limited thinking, heal and show up for yourself? The time is now...besides, it is the season of giving, mama. [wink]
I’m excited to start our group coaching program again early January — to get back into that sacred container of like-minded mothers who are leaning into divorcing differently and filling their cups while saving time, money and unnecessary heartache.
They are resigning from the previous roles they played and assigning their own meaning.
Imagine…
Being part of a group of women who actually ‘get you’
Having a place where you feel safe to express what needs to be expressed
Feeling seen, validated, understood
Receiving support, navigational skills and proven divorce strategies to guide you step-by-step through the process
Exhaling, healing, feeling alive again
Trusting yourself
If this sounds good to you, consider joining Inner Circle, our signature 4-month divorce coaching program. It combines small group coaching with 1:1 sessions and support for all the life that unfolds in-between.
The women in this container are divorcing smarter, healing faster, protecting their kids and reclaiming their lives. They’re not doing it alone — they’ve joined an intimate, curated circle of mothers and expert coaching that makes what seems overwhelmingly daunting, doable.
Maybe this idea makes you a little nervous because you’ve never done anything like this for yourself before?
Never made time for your needs.
Never advocated for yourself.
Never stood up and declared, no more!
Never allowed yourself to dream of bigger and better.
Got any excuses swirling around and popping up as you read this? That’s OK! Those are old patterns and ways of being that no longer serve you. They likely contributed to finding yourself in this divorce to begin with.
But there’s a new mama in town and she wants to stop throwing her own needs under the bus. She realizes that ultimately serves no one — she’s looking for a new way to move through it all.
Are you ready? Book a free strategy call with our team and let’s talk.
What’s your WHY for being here now? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below…