This Is Temporary

It’s hard to witness mamas suffering through divorce.

I remember it well because I once stood where you stand...and unfortunately for me, I didn’t have any help...at least the kind of help I really needed. And I didn’t have a clue where to turn first.

Needless to say, life felt pretty bleak then and I couldn’t see a way out, but I had a small child to consider, and he needed me. I just wanted the pain to stop and the problems to go away.

But how?

I thought the answers would come from lawyers. I had no idea who the true key player would be in all of this.

But I certainly know the answer to that now. It was me...and the same holds true in your divorce. It’s YOU.

This is why I’m so passionate about the ‘work’ I get to do today. I don’t fix mamas — I do something even better — I see them.

I see their potential. I know what is possible and I take their hand and walk beside them. I help them reclaim their own power and I show them what they are capable of.

And then I witness them save themselves.

Far too often, the needs of mamas get buried. They forget that their desires and dreams matter — that they have wants and wounds — that they are deserving of happiness...and healing.

Yes, a mama going through divorce will likely minimally need a lawyer or mediator — but they need more than that. They need the support for all that unfolds in between the court dates, filings, decisions and paperwork.

They need someone to help them navigate the tears, the vulnerability and fear and sometimes anger — and show them how to get off the emotional rollercoaster.

They need someone to ground them, help them make decisions that are intuitive and heart-centered.

They need tools and strategies to save time, money and heartache — to know what to say to their kids and help with juggling it all.

They also need to know that this is temporary — all of it.

When mamas come to me, they are often overwhelmed and cracked open. They are exhausted and depleted when they most need to lean upon themselves. It’s hard to see your way out of a paper bag in that state...let alone a divorce.

But time and time again, the mamas who lean in find their way back to center. And oh, how glorious it is to see.

One mama couldn’t stop crying. She was distraught at the abrupt ending of her marriage and due to circumstances, had to cohabitate with her emotionally abusive and narcissistic ex while figuring this all out for herself and her child.

That was tough. She hid in her bedroom at night to avoid conflict and rushed out of her own house in the morning to avoid confrontation. Always walking on eggshells was completely draining...but she persisted.

She cried, she processed, she got her ducks in a row...and she got her divorce, her freedom and is now happily ensconced in her new home, building her new life.

That didn’t mean it was easy. No, it took guts.

The difference here: Not only did she get divorced, she found her way back to herself for the first time in maybe decades. She healed and seized the opportunities within divorce to break old patterns, discover parts of herself and leave behind the limited thinking and wounding that lead her to this point.

She began to care for herself in ways she never had before. She didn’t give up on herself or the process...despite the uncertainty and pain. And because of that she created sustainable change within her life that will play out for years to come.

This is changing ‘temporary’ into lasting transformation.

Each and every mama navigating divorce has a story, a pain point or a series of pain points. Some are angry and locked up in the court system, fighting endlessly. Some are drowning in debt, mounting legal bills and the fear that they will be left without support. Some are shrinking under the pressure of being judged by family, friends, religious organizations, etc.

There’s a lot of noise that can paralyze you from knowing what step to take next. And I say it over and over again, it’s a rough time to have to make big decisions, but like it or not, it is what it is. And you need to show up for that decision making...or you may regret how it all pans out.

So why not USE it? Why not figure out how to maximize healing, mitigate suffering and breathe into the faith that you will get through this?

THIS IS TEMPORARY, mama. I promise.

There’s no way around it, so just allow yourself to face it, find the support you need, move through it, heal and trust that there is a beautiful life beyond waiting for you.

Walking through the unknown is never comfortable or easy, but you don’t have to do it alone.

The mamas who have ‘graduated’ our program are free — not only from their marriages, but from all that lead to that moment. Some are in new homes, new relationships, new jobs, new financial security — most of all, they are free of the old ways that held them back and they are maneuvering through new chapters in completely new ways.

Bottom line, there will be a finish line and you will cross it. The mamas I mentioned above are the proof that you can strategically navigate your divorce to secure the best results for you and your kids — AND heal and make lasting change in your relationship to self.

There is no rushing divorce, but it will end. So, what if you stopped resisting and allowed yourself to be messy, uncomfortable and without all the answers?

What if you could take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is temporary? Go ahead, say it out loud, “THIS IS TEMPORARY. THIS IS TEMPORARY. THIS IS TEMPORARY.” Doesn’t that feel better already?

This isn’t your permanent residence.

You can feel the enormity of what you are experiencing and trust that you will get to the other side of it.

Start by reminding yourself that:

It’s OK to not know what to do.

It’s OK to not like how you feel.

It’s OK to feel like your life is a mess and your emotions are all over the place.

It’s OK to not know what to say to your kids.

It’s OK to not be OK.

And most of all, it’s OK to allow yourself to declare these things.

Stop faking it, mama. It is OK to ask for help. Give yourself the grace and space to find your way.

Divorce is hard, but you will get through it. There is so much more life awaiting you on the other side. Trust yourself and allow yourself to be supported.

Being divorced doesn’t define us — HOW we divorce does.