Checking In or Checking Out?

Let’s face it, no one wants to go near a hospital unless they are dropping off flowers for someone who’s recovering, or they’re bringing home a precious new baby.

That said, we all know that there is no place we’d rather be in a crisis. And when we find ourselves in need, we want the most skilled surgeon or team around us so we can get through this as quickly and as possible.

We want to feel better. We want to be out of pain. We want to heal.

We don’t want botched procedures, side effects, or mistakes — and we certainly don’t ever want to find ourselves back here again!

Same goes with divorce.

Think of divorce coaching as a hospital stay. I know...sexy, right...hospital gown, notoriously bad food and all?

But here’s the good news: Knowing you’re in need of help and doing something about it (like finding the best doctor) will mitigate the suffering, lessen the pain, shorten the duration, accelerate the healing, save you money, maintain your sanity, protect your kids, and get you off in the direction you want to be in...quicker.

Think of it this way — if you deny symptoms, ignore the warning signs, suppress your intuition, or try to hide beneath the covers — in illness or divorce — you will make it all so much worse.

There are some harsh realities to the divorce process — and one of them is that there is a window of time in which you want to prepare, take steps, and weigh out important decisions.

There’s a lot to sort through and it can get totally overwhelming.

And you’ll need support to do this. Just as you can’t operate on yourself — you won’t be able to divorce yourself. Just as you need to check into the hospital for surgery, you need to check in for and show up for your divorce to achieve the results you want — which is also hard when you’re an emotional wreck worrying about everything.

But you need to pay attention NOW. Yes, right here in the midst of this emotional chaos and upheaval.

I’m not suggesting that you are ignoring the writing on the wall or that you are running away from anything. To the contrary, you’re likely spinning in circles trying to decide which way to turn first — drowning in papers and anxiety. You may even be tossing and turning in bed by night, stressing by day.

But that doesn’t change the reality that the moves you make now will influence all that comes next.

Getting help doesn’t mean that you take a back seat or that you hand everything over to someone else. No, you’ll need to play a very active role here — this is your life, and everything has to come through you first.

You’ll be left to deal with the ramifications of those choices. Everyone else involved will go home to their lives and next cases. If you allow yourself to be talked into a decision that isn’t aligned with your core values and intuition — you may be regretting it later.

I’m not trying to scare you or add more to your full plate. I’m actually encouraging you to admit that you are in a temporary state of crisis. You have big decisions to make that will impact you and your kids. And you are the authority of YOU.

I’m sure you feel like everything is up in the air...because it kind of is. Mamas are resilient and will go to great lengths to put the pieces back together. But there is a middle piece to this all and it is laden with uncertainty.

I’ve worked with mamas who moved to small apartments so that they could afford to keep their kids in the same school district.

I’ve had mamas who drove hours across state lines to facilitate complicated visitation for their kids.

I’ve had mamas who applied for new jobs to create more financial stability.

I’ve had mamas write books, gets master’s degrees, and create businesses.

Bottom line, they each leaned in, not out. They’ve made tough decisions for the right reasons. They showed up for class. They cried, they were heartbroken, they got angry, they felt deflated — but they kept going. They supported themselves.

And they got to the other side of their divorces and left the chaos behind.

Lean in, not out. Check in with yourself, not out...no matter how scared you are right now.

You may not know which way to turn first, but you don’t have to do this alone. Reestablishing your relationship to self isn’t an afterthought. You need YOU right now so that you can make moves that protect you and your kids, transform the experience and outcomes of divorce — and save time, money and heartache.

If that’s what you want, check out this FREE Divorce Workshop.

And whatever you do, find your way back to yourself, mama. It all starts there.