Rediscovering Self

No one needs to tell you that there is discomfort in transformation. Just ask a butterfly.

And divorce presents discomfort, transformation, and great opportunity for healing.

You are embracing (OK, maybe not quite embracing, but facing...wink) an unfamiliar ‘new’.

It’s all unfamiliar and uncomfortable and you’d probably rather not be dealing with this right now.

I get it.

It’s a lot all at once.

But maybe you are rediscovering who you are.

It’s easy to say these words, but it really is so easy to get lost in life, in marriages, in motherhood, in your household, in your work, in your community — in all the pulls.

I point this out to you not to make you feel more overwhelmed than you may already be feeling, but rather to feel empowered.

Empowered?

Yes. Empowered.

How? By taking a real look at what is coming up. Feeling what you are feeling. Allowing.

In this process you will start making important life connections between people, places, experiences, feelings. You know, light bulbs popping and aha moments dropping!

The map of your life begins to make sense.

You may see things that bring up shame, anger, sadness, resentment — let it rip. It’s all valuable. Don’t be afraid of it. Don’t try to package it. Don’t try to show up in any way to please others that doesn’t please you.

I’m witnessing this transformation with all of the women in our program, in their own time and own ways...and even in their delays (all the places they are dragging their feet or delaying). It can all serve a purpose.

Where does it start? With self-awareness, reflection, curiosity and determination to face it so that you can move through it and free yourself from it.

Start by not overthinking or overanalyzing what you see.

Keep it real and raw.

Our feelings are basic — think of how a child answers a question when you ask them how they are feeling: 

I’m scared.

I’m feeling abandoned.

I’m angry.

I’m so sad.

I feel alone.

 As adults, we try to wrap a narrative around our emotions to quantify or explain them. Try to refrain from that.

 For example, you can simply be ‘afraid’.

 Then follow up by asking yourself:

 What am I afraid of?

Is this real?

Have I felt this way before? If so, how / when / with who?

Is this a pattern?

Where did this come from? Did I witness this in my family of origin?

And most importantly, what could I do to interrupt this?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately — this notion of what we are focusing on, what we are ‘feeding’, where we get stuck. Like the James Redfield quote states, “Where attention goes energy flows."

Where is your energy going? What feeling are you feeding?

Yes, divorce gives you a treasure trove of reasons to worry or feel anxious — but getting grounded, aligned with your intuition, your strength and your faith — can talk back to these untruths or these wounds you are ready to heal.

 We can focus on worst case scenarios, as if by doing so this somehow prevents them or softens the blow — or we could focus on the opposite and how we can navigate the emotions that are revealing themselves.

 We are never stuck, unless we choose to be.

 When this kind of stuff arises, we tend to see it as a negative — and sure, we can fall down a path of feeling sorry for ourselves, feeling like we are victims of circumstances or the actions of others — or we can see that we are pretty darn remarkable, resilient, resourceful and ready to heal old wounds.

 We are courageously facing our fears and our demons because we are ready — and we are not giving up on ourselves.

 We are going to find ways to be kind and compassionate to ourselves in the process, pay attention to all that we’ve ignored for a long time and heal so that we can move into our next chapters lighter and less encumbered by this baggage we’ve been carrying along for too long.

We are committed to rediscovering who we are and where we want to go from here.

That’s pretty badass, mama. And if you are here, reading this...I’m talking to YOU!