Divorce Baggage

You know, you’re probably traveling through this divorce with a lot of baggage. Am I right?

There’s a lot popping up — a lot of feelings, a lot of overwhelm, a lot of confusion...it’s just a lot and it’s exhausting.

I’ve got to fill out that mountain of discovery paperwork.

I’ve got to meet with my attorney.

I’ve got to talk to a financial advisor.

I’ve got to find a way to support my kids through it.

I’ve got to figure out where we’re going to live.

I’ve got a ton of BIG decisions to make...

The list is endless.

And then there’s a lot more that arrives unexpectedly that no one really prepares you for.

FEELINGS, more feelings and some more on top of that. Where did they all suddenly come from?

You’re also probably saying to yourself, I don’t have a single extra moment to deal with my emotional baggage right now. I’ll get to it later.

So, you don’t look in the trunk. You cram more stuff in there; pretend you don’t notice it. You don’t see how far the car is weighed down. How low it is riding. How it’s lost its pep and just isn’t running the way it used to. Hey, you’ve got more pressing issues to deal with in the moment.

...or so you think.

But you are that car, mama. That baggage is yours and toting it around endlessly (especially while trying to navigate a divorce) is actually working against you. You can’t deny this one away if you want the results you desire in your divorce and more importantly — your life.

I once walked in your shoes and felt many of the same emotions, experienced much of the same overwhelm, anxiety and ‘stuckness’. None of it helped me with my divorce, but it helped me see what really needed to change.

And by change, it wasn’t all about my marital status, where and how I lived. It was about ME and the journey that had led to here. I didn’t yet see it that way, but it’s what I now do every day as a I walk besides other mamas navigating similar territory.

I don’t want them to wander aimlessly, continue to fight themselves (i.e. ignore their intuition) and make things harder for themselves and their kids. Yes, it’s time to stop wrestling with yourself, mama.

I know there’s a better path through divorce that yields much better results.

When your heart is breaking, few declare that this would be a great time to roll up your sleeves and dive into all of the emotional pain. And let’s be clear, that’s not what I’m suggesting. 

But there’s a hard way and a healing way though this all.

It’s harder when we deny what’s happening, when we refuse to see the writing on the wall and we keep chugging along, business as usual. Haven’t you done that for long enough?

It’s likely contributed to arriving here in the first place.

•  Maybe for you that came in the form of being gaslit, manipulated, emotionally abused?

• Perhaps you lost yourself along the way and no longer recognize who you are?

• Maybe you assumed the role of people-pleaser, the fixer, the one who attended to everyone’s needs first and squeezed yourself right out?

• Maybe you abandoned yourself and started to boil up with resentment?

• Maybe you did this long enough that it began to feel like there was no other alternative?

However, no matter how far you go, how hard you try, how fiercely you deny...guess what? Where you go, there you (and your baggage) are. And the more we try to deny, the heavier the load becomes.

Now don’t let that scare you.

If anything, let it excite you. Because if you are standing on this threshold of change and a new life, whether you initiated the divorce or had one dropped in your lap — you are ready. You get to shift this all. You get to heal. You get to lay down this baggage that you’ve been toting along.

As I repeatedly say, it’s actually not about taking on MORE. It’s about letting go so you can clear space for MORE.

And of course, I understand that on any given day during a divorce, you feel like you have limited capacity. Emotional healing doesn’t happen at the snap of a finger, but it does get initiated with one.

Sidebar: an Intuitive Divorce is strategic in all the ways one needs to get through the process. We prep for getting those financial ducks in a row, interviewing attorneys to find the right one, having the initial talk with your spouse and kids, getting clear on desired outcomes, implementing support systems, initiating ways to take charge of the process, etc.

I know the trigger points.

I know where mamas get derailed by overwhelm and fear.

But the most commonly overlooked component of this equation is YOU and the condition you are in while making all of these big decisions and having all of these tough conversations.

That’s the gamechanger in your divorce and forever in your life. Yes, it’s that big.

No more denying.

No more suffocating.

No more shrinking.

No more staying stuck.

No more dragging this pain along behind you.

It’s time to exhale, to align with your intuition (your greatest ally, your fiercest advocate, your north star). This is a homecoming, mama.

The sooner you do this, the easier it all becomes — divorce, navigating life adversity, all of it. It starts with one decision to lean in and find a better path.

A better path through life is a better path through divorce. That’s an Intuitive Divorce — where mamas are divorcing smarter, healing faster, protecting their kids and reclaiming their lives.

Maybe it’s time to lighten your load, pack lighter, move with ease.

Did I hear someone say, carry-on?