Don’t Get Stuck on Hold (or in The System)

Have you ever been placed on hold trying to book an appointment, a plane ticket or get a live person on customer support...as a prerecorded voice tells you that your wait time is likely 12 days, listening to elevator music ad nauseum? Yeah, we’ve all been there.

Life on hold in any capacity, waiting to get an answer or resolve an issue stops everything in its tracks. Even if you put the call on speaker and try to multitask as you wait...life is still on hold no matter how much laundry gets folded in between.

You know what this sounds like?

Divorce.

Not so fun fact alert: Let me toss a quick divorce statistic at you. As I always advise mamas to know the law in their states, I’ll just use my home state of New York to demonstrate this.

When I asked AI, “How long does it take to get divorced?”

It responded by saying, The average time it takes to get a divorce in New York can vary from a few months to over a year, depending upon whether the divorce is uncontested or contested. Uncontested divorces, where both spouses agree on all key issues, can take 3-6 months. Contested divorces, where there are disagreements about issues requiring court intervention, can take 12-18 months or longer.  

...“longer” being the operative word.

Though not surprising, that’s quite sobering especially for a mama just entering the process.

Deep breath.

Let’s unpack that a moment. Honestly, I laughed when I read the definitions of ‘uncontested’ and ‘contested’. And let’s just start off by saying that if both spouses agree on all key issues, maybe they should seek marriage counseling, not a divorce! 

But I digress. It’s not usually how things play out.

Sadly, 99.9% of divorces are contested or end up there. Everything is fine and dandy until one spouse realizes how much of their retirement fund is going to have to be turned over, or who gets the house, or how much they will have to pay in child support.

The list goes on. And that’s just the financial trigger. When the emotional wounding parades in, all gloves are off and it’s game on — as a divorce swerves all over the place dragging both spouses and everyone else involved along.

More legal fees mount.

More unnecessary upset for your kids.

More lifeforce drained for you, mama. 

This is life on hold. Stuck in the spin cycle...rinse and repeat.

Can you even imagine that this could take a year or two of your life? 

Unfortunately, I hear about it all the time.

Nasty text messages, fighting just to fight, disagreeing about everything, kids spiraling out, moms awake in the middle of the night riddled with anxiety.

Everything suffers because, divorce doesn’t compartmentalize parts of your life as if to say, “OK, let’s leave this aspect alone.” No, instead it infiltrates everything and informs how you will show up for work, your kids, yourself...and your divorce.

I don’t say this to freak you out. I say this to get your attention and to get you on board right now before you suffer a similar fate.

You may be feeling a bit powerless right now. Maybe you initiated the divorce, maybe you had it tossed in your lap. Maybe you are totally blown away by the potential costs of retaining a lawyer, a financial advisor, a co-parenting counselor and any number of other professionals.

And while I don’t take financial commitments lightly, I want you to reframe that by saying, “I’m investing in myself, my kids and my future.”

Doesn’t that feel better in your body? Breathe into that.

If you were building a business, you’d have to invest in the infrastructure, right? You might have to take out a loan or use some savings, but you also know that the return will be worth it.

Divorce is costly — and there is a division of assets. So yes, that means less money, but making this move and being strategic about it, will also mean less chaos, less suffering, less suffocating in an unhealthy relationship.

It’s kind of hard to put a price tag on that one, isn’t it?

While our coaching program is steeped in emotional support, regulating your nervous system and learning how to flex new muscles like boundary setting and conscious communication — I’m a straight shooter and someone who also loves strategy.

While I know that the condition you are in during this divorce process will impact and inform all that is to come in your divorce — the tough conversations, the big decisions and all the emotions that decide to make an appearance — it’s easy to get sucked up in all the drama.

But it’s also easy to lean in and see the cards on the table.

This is where you step into your authority, where you figure out how to be the CEO of your divorce, where you trust your intuition and where you make strategic moves that prevent your divorce from becoming a runaway train.

When you invest in yourself, you change the game and your outcomes. On the other hand, when you sit by hoping and praying things will magically resolve themselves, you may find yourself stuck in an endless court battle.

The same goes for your finances.

You may’ve been stunned by the dollar amount of your attorney’s retainer fee. Well, that’s just the beginning. If you don’t take control of your divorce, the divorce takes control of you and your bank account, and you don’t have a choice. I’ve seen this happen and the cost can be staggering.

Speaking of life on hold, what about your kids? I say this all the time; your kids will only be this age once. Let that sink in. I don’t want you to be riddled with guilt on the other side of this all, mama.

There is a better way to divorce — it’s called the Intuitive Divorce.

It’s the place where heart-centered moms who want to divorce differently come. It’s where they begin to see the opportunity within this mess — to heal, to reclaim and to become the women and mothers they always desired to be. It’s where they learn to guide their kids through this transition. It’s also where they are in community with fierce mama bears that nurture and support one another.

You will get to the other side of your divorce — you may feel like everything is currently out of your control, but honestly that’s a fallacy. You control how you are going to show up, how you are going to get your kids through this and what condition you will all be in when you arrive.

You also get to control NOT putting life on hold. But you need to make a move. And yes, I get that you may want to crawl up into a ball and hide under the covers, but I’ve got you. Take my hand.

This is all available to you, mama. Are you ready to invest in yourself? Maybe it’s the first time you’ve ever done that, but there is no time like the present. Investing in yourself is investing in your future. You are writing that story right now.