Emotional Guardrails
Do you remember how protective you were over your newborn baby? Do you remember how those fierce mama bear instincts kicked in?
I laugh as I write this because truth be told, I wasn’t an Earth Mama attuned to her body, mind and spirit 24 years ago when my son was born like I would be today — but suddenly after he arrived in this world, I wouldn’t allow them to take him to the nursery and instead kept him in my room (and in my bed...shock and awe!).
Today young mamas are so much more aligned with their instincts, but all those years ago the nurses at this world-renowned hospital in New York City were giving me a hard time...but I didn’t care.
Something had come alive within me. Something undeniable.
And when I took that tiny little person home for the first time, I became fiercely protective.
As moms, we want to protect, nurture, stand in front of our children and prevent them from any suffering, pain or adversity. Hey, can’t blame a mama for trying!
Do you remember all the gadgets and equipment that took hours to figure out how to put together and operate, the streams of manuals flying everywhere? I had my Manhattan apartment professionally ‘baby-proofed’ just to be safe — and then the joke was on me. I had a kid that got into nothing and broke nothing.
I was detached from trusting my intuition and teaching my child how to trust his. And no professional service was going to be able to solve that, childproof locks or not.
I still remember the day my little guy tried to open a kitchen cabinet and I simply said, “No.” He looked at me, kind of shrugged his little shoulders, let go of the door and moved on. It was that simple.
Still, we try to put guardrails on everything imaginable to protect everyone else around us — everyone we love — our kids, our spouses, our family, our friends, our homes, our jobs...
What about you, mama?
Where are your emotional guardrails? How are you supporting and protecting yourself? Especially now.
Do you even feel comfortable asking or know where to start?
I’m currently working on a labor of love, writing a divorce book because I want so desperately to shift the commonly accepted narrative of divorce. It’s outdated and missing pieces. Big pieces.
The old story treats divorce like a checklist, but you aren’t high up on that priority list. Paperwork [check]. Lawyer or mediator [check]. Financial planner [check]. Co-parenting counselor [check]. And where are you in this mix?
Your emotional wellbeing is discarded like an afterthought — something you’ll just have to pick up on the other side. No time for self-care, exercise or self-indulgence. No time for feeling and healing. No time for you.
Let’s face it, there’s no room for you in this equation. It’s go time in your divorce.
But think about that a moment. Does that make any sense?
Your emotional state and wellbeing will dictate everything — how you will face tough challenges and decisions, how you will get yourself through it (and the mental and physical condition you will be in), how you will deal with your kids, how you will handle work, how your next chapter will unfold and how bumpy the ride to there will be.
Hey, I get that the overwhelm is real. Overwhelm in motherhood is served up like a daily entrée — and especially so during a divorce.
You can’t squeeze yourself out of the equation, mama. You ARE the equation.
And sure, you may have to remove something from the to-do list to make room for yourself.
You may have to say NO to something to say YES to you.
You may have to set a boundary or two.
The old ways are no longer serving you and there is no denying them. So now what?
Allow yourself to view this all differently. Shift your perspective. Look at your life from a different angle through a new lens. Hey, I know those sentiments can sound like a bunch of pretty words — but they bear so much truth and power.
I get to witness it in real time with the women in our coaching program every week. Just the other day in a recent group class (where we get into the juiciest, loving, supportive, kick-in-the ass, heartfelt conversations), big discoveries were made and Aha moments were had.
This is where it starts — with the willingness to receive the support of emotional guardrails. You don’t have to have any answers, just the willingness to say yes to yourself. I want out. I want to heal. I want love, support, tips and strategies to get there. I want emotional guardrails.
That’s it!
It’s easy to get stuck in patterns, thinking we have to approach things a certain way, be a certain way and unable to get out of our own heads. But the old ways are no longer servicing you or your divorce.
And you know that even if you don’t know what to do next.
That’s OK...this is a big moment. The overwhelm is real. Your self reflection is the first big step. But you don’t have to do this alone.
If you want someone to walk beside you during this transition in your life, if you want some emotional guardrails and someone to hold your hand as you go — I’m just a phone call away.
Our approach to divorce is turning the old narrative on its side.
The Intuitive Divorce transforms divorces...and lives...one mother at a time. Will you next? I sure hope so.
Where have you squeezed yourself out? Please leave a comment below and let’s continue the conversation…