Divorce Is the Game of Your Life. Don’t Give Up.
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Sports alert. I can find a divorce metaphor in anything, but something tells me that if you are navigating a divorce you’ll totally relate to this one — AND it may even help you shift your perspective to see it all through a new lens.
...a more empowered lens.
Bear with me.
Just for a little context, this was inspired by the recent NBA playoffs (which I personally think should come with cardiac meds for fans, but I digress). The stress of the series and late-night games are killing me...and inspiring me.
I’ve always believed there are so many messages surrounding us, there for the taking if we reach.
First off, sports are clearly about talent, but what it really boils down to is psychological stamina in sports and divorce — finding ways to recalibrate, pivot and stay calm in the face of the storm.
Let me share what I mean...
As one might expect, games in the finals are extremely competitive and the outcomes uncertain. But there are also mitigating circumstances like dirty plays, loud-mouthed and unsportsmanlike players, overlooked calls — all that can leave one feeling like their fate is in the hands of the refs.
What does that sound like?
It sounds like negotiating with a narcissist whose ‘getting away’ with manipulative behavior, feeling unheard by the judge or court and feeling stuck and powerless in a system that isn’t protecting you.
When we start to tell that story, it’s easy to feel defeated before it’s even over.
When a decision doesn’t go our way or there are delays or we feel unheard in our negotiations like we did in our marriages — it’s easy to settle on that fate.
Or not.
Let’s choose the ‘or not’!
So, the New York Knicks were up 2 games in the series (games won in the opponent’s arena) and headed home to their home court. Seemed like a shoe-in for fans...until it wasn’t. Until flagrant calls weren’t made by refs that left the arena deflated like a lead balloon.
Game 4 was met with great enthusiasm until the opposing team was up nearly 30 points.
Honestly, it was painful to watch....turn off the TV, painful. Fans were slinking down in their seats. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. How was this possible?
Where did it all go so wrong?
Is this how it was going to end?
There are so many twists and turns in a divorce negotiation, so many triggers and encounters that could literally derail the process at any turn.
Court delays, missed documentation submission deadlines, gameplaying, upsetting encounters with your kids, etc.
It’s in those moments (and there will be those moments) that you need tools to stay calm, clear and aligned with your goal. You need to be able to hear your intuition, communicate clearly and effectively, set (and uphold) firm boundaries and hold your vision for yourself and your kids.
You need to believe and to stay the course, be proactive not reactive.
Being proactive starts with clarity — getting crystal clear about what your priorities are and staying laser-focused on them.
It takes tools to implement this and stay the course.
It takes strategy to reset the terms of engagement and create healthy boundaries and communicate effectively.
It takes calm to manage your team and hear your own voice, your intuition.
It takes nervous system regulation to build a foundation beneath you.
It takes discernment to trust yourself and your timing.
It takes belief that you are worthy of this.
And that’s when you start to heal and feel and come alive again...yes, right here in this challenging game, the game of your life.
As I tell my clients all the time, feelings need to be felt — no matter what is popping up, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. There’s no dodging feeling. There’s no saving this for later. There’s no weakness in feeling the enormity of it all.
And what if that isn’t a setback or a failure? What if that is simply an indicator of a need that needs you?
Life can feel very overwhelming in the unknown. I get it. I remember it. I’ve actually faced it several times in my life. We can choose to see that as a scary dark tunnel or an expansive blank canvas to paint upon.
This we have agency over. In a divorce world that feels very much out of our control, THIS you have control over...your emotions, your actions and how you tell the story.
And let me leave you with this...
Those Knicks that were down thirty points, who could’ve thrown in the towel and accepted this fate...said, “Not today. Not in our house.” And they came back to win that game in the last second by 1 point.
Believe, mama.
This is what I do every day. I walk besides mamas who are divorcing smarter, healing faster, protecting their kids and reclaiming their lives. That’s winning!
You can achieve your divorce goals and come alive again.
