Permission to Pivot
So, what does camping have to do with divorce? Stick with me a moment.
First off, let me get a few things off the table.
Yes...I like camping...and yes, in a tent, in the woods, surrounded by nature. Don’t get me wrong, I also love bougie hotels with all the amenities (like hot water and fluffy down duvets). [wink]
Here’s the thing: we can love it all. We can change our mind and make a different choice. This is where the pivot comes in. And btw, you can think of this as a great metaphor for life.
We get to declare what we like / don’t like and point out what’s working / not working. This is your one precious life — do you really want to spend it going against the grain of your desires, heart, and intuition? Hell no!
One day while strolling around the beautiful family-run campground I noticed some signs; ‘Wrong Way’, ‘Do Not Enter’, ‘One Way’. Now while these were intended to direct car traffic, I objected in terms of divorce.
There is no ‘one way’ — and the only ‘wrong way’ that you shouldn’t enter is that which is not aligned with what you know to be true in this moment.
I’ll go out on a limb and say that if you are here in this community reading this blog, you’d likely agree with these statements / concerns:
I want to make sure I guide my kids through this the best way possible.
I want to find my way back to my intuition so I can trust my decisions.
I want to feel good about how I navigate this experience.
I want to save time, money and heartache for me and my kids so we can achieve the best outcomes and arrive in one piece when we land on the other side of things.
...and yet, the reality is that my emotions are all over the place. I’m not sure what moves to take first, how to keep it all together, whose opinions to listen to, where to turn to for help or how to trust myself while doing it.
Sound remotely familiar?
Maybe you got lost in your marriage, maybe your voice got muffled, you pretended things that bothered you didn’t, etc. But you are here now.
When it started raining on the campground, I got really cranky. I tried to make the best of it and be a ‘good sport’. But I couldn’t get past how miserable it was to be in a tent in the pouring rain with no endgame in sight. Everything felt wet (my spirit included) and I couldn’t enjoy any of the things I was there to do.
Finally, we came up with a new plan — one that broke from tradition but made me instantly feel better. We checked into a fabulous hotel! And there, suddenly the misty, gray weather felt romantic and poetic. Why am I telling you all of this? Because the same applies to divorce (and life).
When something is no longer working or feels right you can give yourself permission to see it through a new lens and vocalize how you are feeling. You don’t have to muscle your way through anything.
If the marriage or the counseling isn’t working — start the divorce proceedings.
If the mediation is going awry and feeling counterproductive — hire an attorney.
If your ex is being manipulative with the parenting plan — seek support.
We mamas tend to carry the burden of trying to make things work for the benefit of all, until we completely deplete ourselves. I’m exhausted just typing this because I’m reminded of this pattern. But patterns are meant to be broken.
Give yourself permission to pivot and walk down a new path. We don’t have to live or divorce according to anyone else’s marching plans or directives. We don’t have to do things the way we always have.
There’s a new mama in town and she is stepping into a new life chapter that is intuitive, heart-centered and grounded. That’s the ‘new way’!
