What’s AI Got to Do with Divorce?

I’ll be honest, I’ve been a little late to the ‘AI game’ because I definitely have my opinions about it all. Hey, I’m a writer, a lover of prose and creation...AI has felt like a hack.

I know. I know.

Of course, it took my 25-year-old businessman son to demonstrate how it can be an incredibly powerful tool in some arenas — so I’ll give some props where props are deserved.

But when people ask me if I’m afraid of being ‘replaced’ by AI...I respond with a definitive, Hell no!

Absolutely, nothing can replace human connection...sorry AI.

And yes, it’s wonderful to live in a world where you can Google your way to resources and information, but I reiterate...NOTHING beats face-to-face interaction and problem solving in real time.

I’m grateful that I get to create newsletters, online courses, a podcast, an APP and even write a book to share ideas, inspiration and encouragement because I’m obsessed with transforming the experience and outcomes for mamas trying to find their way through the process.

When I was navigating my messy divorce, there was none of this. It didn’t yet exist. Thus, the messy got messier as I stumbled my way through it all blindly — a strategy I don’t recommend. Today, I’m committed to helping woman avoid that fate and skip to the head of the line.

I had a therapist — and no disrespect to therapists, but they aren’t divorce coaches. We all have our lane, and those lanes are full of nuances.

We know we need attorneys when we are divorcing, but no one ever warns us about what I call  the ‘in-between’ moments where life unfolds in real time every day — where your kids ask you tough questions, you are faced with big decisions, triggering communications with your soon-to-be-ex…and what about all of those emotions you are experiencing on top of it all?

The in-betweens are where the rest of life unfolds...and there’s a lot of life, none of which stops while you are divorcing.

It’s a lot and it doesn’t unfold as planned and can’t be scheduled.

And who’s going to get you through those moments?

Sure, AI can help with some information about the law in your state, what’s expected, maybe a list of how to prepare, how long the process could go on, provide some paperwork, etc.

But where are YOU in the AI equation?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you need to prepare for ‘the talk’ — telling your ex you want a divorce or explaining to your kids what this all means to them? 

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you receive a late-night triggering text from your soon-to-be ex that leaves you spinning?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when your kids ask a question you aren’t prepared to answer?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when the exchange of kids between houses doesn’t go smoothly and you need to erect some new boundaries?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you are worried about your kids when they are in the custody of your ex and what happens in that house?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you are trying to make difficult decisions and are finding yourself overwhelmed and anxious?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when your ex tries to bully you or isn’t abiding by the order of the court?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you are trying to heal, come alive again and reclaim your power?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you get sucked back into old patterns of behavior that leave you feeling deflated and stuck?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you need someone to call you out on your ‘stuff’, hold your hand and help walk you back home to yourself so that you can begin to rebuild?

Are you going to be able to turn to AI when you want to ground your nervous system, become the CEO of your divorce and reconnect with your intuition?

Again, AI is a search engine of sorts, great for a research paper, but we all know that can be a slippery slope. Like playing Dr. Google when you have an ailment. Sure, you can research symptoms, but aren’t you better off getting a proper diagnosis from your doctor? An expert?

AI isn’t going to talk you through it all, hold your hand, sit down beside you, listen, prop you back up, or help you recalibrate. AI can’t give you a community of other moms going through what you are going through, so you feel less alone and have a safe place to share your struggles, wins and experiences.

I also recognize that this is a time of great overwhelm at a moment you’d probably rather hide beneath the covers and say...Just call me when it’s over and it’s safe to come out again!

Can you relate? 

You’re not alone.

Divorce is an ending and even if you initiated it, there will be a surprising amount of emotional baggage that accompanies the process both during and afterwards. As I always say, two truths can co-exist. Remember that life isn’t black or white, divorce isn’t cookie-cutter with a one-size fits all solution.

You can care about how you divorce and still want a divorce.

You can take care of yourself and still want a divorce.

And you can heal and rebuild during divorce.

You’re going to lean on your lawyer to guide the legal process. You may hire an independent financial advisor to help with the division of assets. You may work with a child therapist or co-parenting counselor to ease the transitions with your kids.

But again...where are you and your needs in this equation?

It’s why I created the Intuitive Divorce. I know there’s a better path to a better divorce. But I also know that when a mama takes back control of herself, she is able to move through life and its ups, downs and all arounds with her head held high.

She can stop spinning in perpetual motion, people-pleasing, suffocating and losing herself. She can come alive again. And when she comes alive again...that energy is felt by all.

The mamas who are in this community aren’t seeking revenge or prolonged divorces. They are seeking healing, strategic guidance and a quicker, better path. Arriving in this moment where they can step up to advocate for themselves was a long time in the making. There was a long runway to here. But they are here now and they’re not going back.

Back to my ol’ friend AI...

She’s a powerful resource, but she’s not a great emotional support pillow. She doesn’t have empathy. She hasn’t walked in your shoes. She never fell in love or got married. She isn’t a mother, and she can’t give you a hug. She can’t hold your hand, remind you who you are and help you envision your future chapter. Even when she provides templates, ideas or topics of discussion, she can’t help you troubleshoot the variables. She doesn’t know you so she can’t help you quickly recalibrate.

No, nothing replaces the need for the support of a coach during the upheaval of your marriage and life. Not only have I walked in those shoes (and those are some uncomfortable shoes!), but I am also a mother.

I know what is at stake. I know how far-reaching the divorce tentacles can be and how long it plays out for our kids, years after the ink is dry on the settlement. I know the pitfalls and detours; I’ve stumbled through many.

And I know that divorce is chock full of regrettable moments in the making...or not. Because divorce and regrets often go hand-in-hand, but they don’t have to.

Which path are you going to choose?

This isn’t the time to gamble with your outcomes, mama. 

I think even AI would agree! [wink]