Your Divorce Future

Imagine walking down the street in your neighborhood and suddenly you come upon a wise old woman sitting there holding a crystal ball. She smiles up at you. You’d rather pretend you don’t see her.

You’re in no mood.

And yet, there is something familiar about her that you just can’t put your finger on, something comforting and inviting. Something calling to you and still, you’d prefer to keep walking.

It feels uncomfortable, almost like she can see through you.

She asks you if you want to see your divorce future.

Every cell in your body screams YES!

You tentatively slink over to her and respond, “Sure.”

You have never at any point in your life felt so isolated, alone, confused, overwhelmed, sad, angry and grief-stricken. You’re trying to keep it contained, hide it from the world and yet, you don’t know where to put it all. It’s a lot to carry.

So many emotions; fear, overwhelm, shame, guilt, sadness.

One minute you want to hide under the covers in a pile of feelings and the next you want to punch something and scream from the top of your lungs.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t the way my marriage and family were supposed to play out.

You awaken in the middle of the night tossing and turning, trying to figure out how you are going to navigate this all. How you are going to get your kids through it. How you are going to keep your you-know-what together.

You don’t know what steps to take first and who to trust.

I don’t want to scare you by exposing all of this. No, I want to empower you but in doing so, I’m going to keep it real.

No one ever tells you how long a divorce can take or how much money it can cost or the toll it can take on you and you kids.

The conventional narrative just says run out and hire a shark of an attorney, get your ducks in a row, grab as many assets as possible and play tug-o-war over the kids.

But where are you in all of this and what condition are you in?

Your life was likely full before you initiated your divorce or had one plopped down in your lap — between mothering, running a household, working, taking care of yourself and getting dinner on the table.

Now a divorce? It’s a lot.

Oh, and you want to know another thing no one really warns you about? The ‘in-betweens’. Divorce makes you feel like life is on hold, but there is no such thing. The world doesn’t stop spinning and you don’t get to come back and reclaim these precious moments of life celebrations and time with your kids. They will never be this age again.

Hey kids, can you do me a favor and stop growing and getting older. Mommy needs to get through this divorce. I’ll get back to you when it’s over.

Divorce is full of urgency. And while you may feel overwhelmed by the paperwork, court dates and drama — it’s the ‘in-betweens’ that’ll really get to you.

There will be endless events during this process that can rock you without notice because it’s all new territory. There will be triggering texts, emails and words. There will be questions from your kids you may not feel prepared to answer. And you may feel squeezed out of the equation feeling like you are unraveling.

This advocating for self is a new muscle. You’re going to have to show up for big decisions, tough conversations with your kids, and all of your feelings. There’s no other way.

And yet, the lawyers (who aren’t your support pillow), the financial advisors, the co-parenting counselors and the rest of the people in your world with big opinions aren’t going to be able to get you through this. They aren’t going to have to live with the ramifications of it all either.

Back to the crystal ball...

Aren’t you curious to know how this will play out?

How long?

How much?

What toll it’ll take?

Sure, you could keep walking, pretend you don’t see this old lady. Put on your blinders, let someone else run the show and hope and pray that your divorce will work out.

Or

You could peek into the crystal ball and see your answers.

There are so many myths in the conventional narrative of divorce, so many missing pieces, so many opportunities to derail a divorce or take you on an endless rollercoaster ride.

But within the messiness of it all, is also a beautiful opportunity to heal, reclaim lost pieces and parts of yourself, take control of your life and begin rescripting the chapter ahead.

That isn’t magical thinking, mama. No unicorns and rainbows here (OK, well maybe a few).

This is disrupting the old narrative.

This is divorcing differently.

This is an Intuitive Divorce.

You don’t have to be taken for a ride financially, emotionally, spiritually.

You don’t have to put life on hold.

You can rescript the story here and transform the experience and outcomes of your divorce. You can do this all by learning to harness the power of your intuition and pairing that with strategy.

If you’re like many mothers who’ve spent years people-pleasing, hiding, self-sacrificing, attending to the needs of everyone else first and suffocating — I know your intuition is probably something you’ve been disconnected from for a long time. You’re not alone. But there’s a road back.

And that road is even bigger, wider and full of more possibility than you can imagine. It transcends this divorce, it’s about your life, mama.

Btw, that old lady looks and feels familiar because she is you. She is your future self reaching out to guide you, nurture you and remind you who you are, what you are capable of and to tell you that advocating for self is NOT selfish. Self-care is NOT selfish. Getting support is NOT selfish. In fact, it’s strategic AND necessary.

And I get that feels foreign and like it’s a million miles away. That’s OK. THIS is new territory. This is a new map and an invitation to be guided to the outcomes you desire.

That lady is also validating that you are worthy of your wants, desires and needs — that you can heal — and that it is also the most loving thing you can do for yourself, your kids and your future...and even, dare I say, your soon-to-be-ex.

The past is the past.

The future isn’t written yet.

What are you going to do with your present, mama? Are you ready to lean into a version of yourself that sees the writing on the wall and is going to choose a better path?

I hope so.

This is what I do every day. There is a map for getting through this chapter and writing your future. I know because I once was you. I once stood where you stand. I once felt many of the emotions you are feeling. I want to show you a better divorce. And I’m just a phone call away.