A Good Week for Divorcing Moms

It was a good week.

As I was giving Bill an update on our clients, recounting the various calls, sessions and communications I had that day, I just said, “You know what? It was a good day for our mamas.”

My day had not unfolded as planned and a few last-minute calls were added to my calendar, but that’s the nature of being a fierce mama bear advocate and divorce coach.

I know how much life unfolds in all the ‘in-between’ moments of life between class days, private sessions, meetings with attorneys, court dates, filling out mounds of paperwork, answering your kids’ questions, avoiding being triggered by your soon-to-be-ex... oh, and trying to keep your you-know-what-together while doing it!

It’s a lot.

There is no denying that divorce adds plenty to an already full plate and that it will stir the emotional pot. However, it is also an opportunity to take control of your own life, to heal and reimagine life ahead.

It doesn’t matter where you find yourself.

It doesn’t matter how many regrets you have.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what step to take first.

What matters is that you know something has to give — you are ready to walk through this divorce and life differently and that you can’t tolerate the status quo any longer.

The mamas I work with are no different than you. They were afraid of making moves, they were overwhelmed, they were not used to investing in themselves, they didn’t know what to say to their kids or how they were ever going to get through it all.

The difference?

Even in the uncertainty, anxiety and overwhelm...they leaned in. They figured it out. They said YES to shifting out of what isn’t working and leaning into getting help. They heard the voice within that said, There has to be a better way to divorce.

They started reaching for it — and life began to shift beneath their feet. And can I just say, when life starts shifting within you it starts shifting around you and everyone begins to take note.

Mamas that begin to heal, begin to look and feel differently.

I witness it all the time and I’ve got to say that it’s quite miraculous to see.

Let me share some wins from this week that have my heart beaming...

👉 One mama got really clear about the issue of custody that was bothering her and decided to change her stance on it all in mediation. Just to add a little context, she had been playing by all the rules, taking everyone’s needs into consideration and yet, still slightly bypassing her own intuition. But that could only be denied for so long. This suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks, and she knew in her bones that she needed to take action. That’s CLARITY. Clarity paves the path for strategy.

👉 One mama who was blaming herself for ‘losing it’ on her kids made a huge discovery about her own expectations of her soon-to-be-ex and their dynamic so that she could avoid finding herself in this situation again. It’s hard to recognize where we set ourselves up...alas, we do it all the time. Chances are that if your ex was not a conscious spouse in the marriage, he won’t be a conscious ex in the divorce. But if you see it, you can do something differently. That’s COMPASSION. Self-compassion is not condemning.

👉 One mama took a bold step in advocating for herself and filed papers with the court for a motion for divorce. She had been dragging her feet for a LONG time. She was waiting for that ‘perfect’ moment when all the stars, moon and sun align (toss in a few unicorns). But there is no ‘perfect’ time to ask someone for a divorce and yet, what better time than the present to advocate for self, mama. Remember YOU matter. That’s COURAGE. Taking action on behalf of yourself is courageous and models for your kids that their needs matter too!

👉 One mama accepted a big new job and stood up for herself by not turning it down, not giving in, not denying how excited she was despite her spouse’s controlling and sabotaging ways. This was HUGE progress for her. She knew how to succeed in business, not so much in advocating for self. She recognized the pattern, and she decided to stare it down this time around. She was bigger than this limited thinking, than this playing small. That’s CONTROL. It doesn’t mean it was easy (anything but). It means that she knew she had to take control of not abandoning herself yet again. So, instead she honored herself. 

👉 One mama graduated our program. She declared that she was ready, and she exuded a beautiful confidence and wisdom as she did so. Her divorce was anything but linear. In fact, though she initiated it, she also paused it at a certain point, and we celebrated her pause. Why? Because, though we celebrate when mamas get to the other side of their divorces, what we are really celebrating is their healthy relationship to self. That’s CONNECTION. When a mama reconnects with her intuition and defers to it as her true north — there is no stopping her.

Now can you see why I had so much to share? Why my heart was smiling?

Yes, it was a good week. And those are just some of the broad strokes of what I get to witness each week. Each text, email, call, session or note I receive sharing how mamas are navigating the moments of their divorces and lives — mitigating suffering — healing and finding solutions — transforming before my eyes — fills me and fortifies my dedication to this work.

I want you to know that these women each showed up for decisions that had just the week before felt like insurmountable mountains and roadblocks. And before you think that they possess some superpowers that you don’t — I’m not going to let you off the hook so quickly.

Each of them has waffled, stumbled, hidden, sabotaged themselves, been overwhelmed, etc. Been there done that...and still showed up. They did it in their timing, in their own ways and exhaled into new ways of being.

Bottom line: when you care for yourself and when you regulate your nervous system — you can make strategic moves from a grounded and calm space. You can see clearly, align with your intuition and begin to witness life move in ways you never thought possible, right in the midst of your divorce mess.

Divorce is full of tough choices, but tough choices can be turned into wins when you align with your intuitive self, mama.

And you know what? It’s a game changer in divorce and all life thereafter.

Breathe that in. Yes, it was a good week. And I wish you some of the same as you enter into a new week before us.

Take in some of this inspiration. See your own reflection in their stories. Believe that this is possible not only for them, but for you too. Know that little wins string together to shift life completely until it is unrecognizable and you are living life on your terms, forever transformed.

If you want what these mothers are having, I’m here to walk beside you, too. It’s called the Intuitive Divorce.