A Changed Woman

It’s not easy to take on another commitment when you’re divorcing. I get it. But the mamas who lean in, move the needle in the direction they want to go.

The beautiful women in our group get creative when it comes to getting to class each week. Sometimes they log in from their cars, offices, closets, walking in the park...you name it. In class recently, one of our mamas asked to share her view out her window with us. She was away on business, sitting in a car parked with the view of an airport and its runways in the background.

At first, I couldn’t understand what she was trying to share and then I suddenly had chills running up and down my body listening to her.

She told us that the airport in the distance was where she first landed in the United States years ago. And there she was again...only this time a changed woman, not the younger more naïve version who didn’t know how to advocate for herself.

For years she had tried to save her marriage, exhausted all avenues and was now certain she was making the right move for her and her kids.

The metaphor of the planes taking off and landing wasn’t lost upon us. Arriving and departing. There was something so clear and grounded about her as she spoke. I immediately sensed the shift within her. 

She had the gift of revisiting this physical place that reminded her of the woman she once was and the baggage she had been carrying for far too long.

Sometimes we have the opportunity to revisit the places of significance in our life story — for example, maybe that’s your childhood home. We remember who we once were and who we’ve become and the role all the chapters of the story to here played.

Divorce isn’t cookie cutter. It’s not a one-size fits all and neither are you.

This mama also initiated her divorce process, then put it on hold when her husband pleaded to reconcile. Only we know what is worth fighting for. Only we can define what is right for us and what the timing should look like.

And you know what? I applauded her when she paused. That’s being the CEO and calling the shots and declaring what is right for you in any given moment. This is YOUR life and no professional can know what you need more than you.

But a CEO will also make a move, assess the result and decide what comes next. If warranted, they pivot and that’s exactly what happened here.

Within a few months it was clear to her that old patterns of behavior were resurfacing and ultimately nothing had changed. Well, actually that’s not totally true. Something had changed — she had.

She could no longer deny what she saw, felt, sensed and knew. So, she took action on behalf of herself, her kids and her divorce. This time she stood in her conviction, no waffling, no-second-guessing.

Was it a coincidence that she ended up back at that airport? I don’t think so. I think it was a wink from the Universe...Remember, her intuition whispered. Remember who you are. Remember how capable you are. Remember you are worthy.

When a woman starts to come alive again, she also starts making powerful personal connections...it’s like one aha moment after the next. She begins to see the details of her story differently and most importantly she sees her role in the telling of a new story.

It awakens something within her that has either been hidden away and dormant because it wasn’t safe to come out — or she may never have viewed her life through this lens before.

Either way, it is both a homecoming and an awakening — and she will forever be a changed woman on the other side of it all. 

It’s not about denial, guilt or shame. It’s not even about regret. It’s more about curiosity. It’s quite meaningful to connect the dots of your journey that led to here — including the parts and unhealthy relationships you want to leave behind.

This is the power of doing inner work during divorce — and listening to yourself as you go. And it’s how you avoid getting stuck wasting time and money and relinquishing your power to the system or your ex.

There’s also a playfulness that ensues. The other day in class I advised the mamas in our group to pay attention to all of life unfolding around them — not just that which is dragging them down, making them fearful and anxious.

We talked about refraining from future-tripping. Why? Because during divorce that can stop a worrying mama in her tracks. Besides, that is not the truth...the future isn’t written yet!

I regularly remind mamas to be present — present with their kids, present with themselves, present with their senses and to notice beauty around them...sunshine coming through a window, flowers on the counter, a sunset, the sound of birds or the laughter of their children.

Life is chock full of beauty...yes, even in the messiness of divorce.

There is much we don’t control in divorce, but how we show up is ours to dictate. I hope just hearing that feeds your mojo a shot of adrenaline.

When we begin to garner this awareness, we really start experiencing everything differently. We see signs from the Universe sprinkled everywhere — messages of support and encouragement. Reminders and inspirations. Affirmations that we are on the right track...even if we are scared.

No one really likes the unknown, but what if you stopped falsely believing that the status quo is easier than the unknown?

When a woman finds her way back to her intuition, when she learns how to harness its power, to lean into it and trust it...she unleashes her wisdom and heart, and she never moves through life adversity the same way again. She gives herself permission to make a different, more empowered move and to become.

What is your intuition telling you?

Are you ready to become a changed woman?