Building Your Own Scaffolding

You likely recognize that you’re going to need help getting divorced, right?

When you initially think of ‘help’ you probably think about logistics, envision a lawyer, a financial advisor, maybe a co-parenting counselor, but there’s a big missing piece to this puzzle — YOU.

Who’s supporting you?

And while we’re at it, what does it mean to divorce differently? What’s an Intuitive Divorce?

That’s easy. It’s one that harnesses the power of your intuition and takes your needs and wellbeing into consideration. Yes, right here in the midst of this upheaval. It’s one that gets you back on solid footing so that you can make the tough decisions and feel good about how you got yourself and your kids through it all.

A worn out, frazzled mother who’s been up all night worrying and drowning in emotions isn’t going to be in the best state to show up for her family, her work, herself...or her divorce.

It’s just a harsh reality. But it’s possible to approach this in a way that is a departure from the common narrative of divorce — ways to be strategic in achieving your objectives while mitigating suffering and healing as you go.

It’s true.

Even if you don’t know what step to take first, how does the sound of support land for you? Hopefully as a sigh of relief.

This isn’t a time to ‘wing’ it with your emotional state or the realities of your divorce. Yes, you’ll need to figure out logistics, how assets will be divided, where people will live, what the co-parenting schedule will look like, etc.

But the condition you are in while making all of those decisions matters most and will impact the experience and outcomes of the whole process.

A mama who recently joined our coaching program put it this way... “What I’m really looking for is scaffolding to protect and support me as I move through this so I don’t make unnecessary mistakes and so I can protect my kids.”

Who doesn’t want that?

I want you to consider how you can begin to build your own protective scaffolding around your divorce, life and emotional healing journey. This is code for...applying action steps that will support your vision and keep you moving in the direction of your desired outcome.

I witness the powerful reflection and transformation that takes place with the mamas in our group coaching program — how much compassion and grace emerges — how many aha moments unfold — how necessary it is to have a safe place to process, be seen and heard.

And even still, initially, things tend to unravel during the week between our classes.

It’s because this is all new territory and A LOT of life happens in few days during a divorce, meetings with your attorney, filings, paperwork, court dates, trying to wrap your head around strategy — not to mention showing up for work, your kids and your self-care. Then you sprinkle in some triggering conversations, unsolicited advice and opinions of others, even pressure from religious leaders and organizations — and you might feel like you are spiraling, stuck or back at square one.

And it’s because there is no solid scaffolding yet.

You’re not alone.

It's a lot.

It’s hard.

It’s anxiety-producing.

BUT you are ready to see it, feel it, deal with it, heal it and become (even if you don’t believe it yet). That’s why it’s showing up and so are you!

The caveat to this all is that I want to remind you that it took a while to arrive here. It may take a little while to unpack — so give yourself the grace of time and space to do so.

This is truly the greatest gift you can give yourself on this journey.

This is how you lean into trusting yourself, hearing your intuition and making the necessary moves to support it. 

As coaches, we build a framework around you — catch you when you are wobbling, hold a mirror up to reflect your strength and possibility, push you back up and remind you of your own power.

And when you remember your power, you level up and begin to build your own scaffolding so you can take control of your outcomes — so you can interrupt a spiral down, so you can stay committed to what is most important to you.

This is how we keep our foot on the gas, driving the car in the direction of our desired goals. E-V-E-R-Y day.

It starts with being honest with yourself and asking:

• What do I need in this moment?

• How can I interrupt habitual thinking that leads me down a dark hole?

• How do I replace a disempowering thought with a better one?

Showing up for self may look like a nap, a bubble bath, lunch with a friend or asking people to refrain from giving you advice. It may be a silent walk in the woods, moving or sitting in stillness, dancing or resting. Only you know what will feel soothing.

A great way to reverse engineer the process for yourself and help you look through a new lens is to start by asking yourself, Where do you want to be in 3 months? What does it look and FEEL like?

Now tell me how you are going to show up for this. How can you hold yourself accountable to self like you allow yourself to be held accountable to your boss, your family and other commitments?

You are currently renovating your life. Scaffolding is erected to protect that which is still tender and vulnerable.

What are you going to do today for yourself?

What are you committed to doing this week for your divorce?

And remember, seemingly small actions begin to add up and create momentum. Interrupting a habitual thought can be more impactful than making a big move. Don’t sell yourself short.

But the harsh reality is that if you don’t remain committed to self, who will?

Maybe you need to put a boundary in place.

Maybe you need to make that call to an attorney or financial advisor.

Maybe you need to put a date on your calendar to have the divorce talk with your spouse.

Maybe you just need to reaffirm to yourself that you are figuring things out.

This is how we create space in our lives to breathe — and make room for more of what we want to call in.

And let me stop for a moment to say that if you are thinking that this is superfluous or something you can save for later — nothing could be further from the truth. This is powerful strategy that you and your divorce need now.

BUT nothing will happen without action.

WHAT action can you take today? 

What scaffolding can you build around yourself?

Could you ask this of yourself every morning? Imagine how much better a start to your day it would be, if you did so. 

Good Morning world, God, Universe…today I’m going to…[fill in your own blank]

So, in the spirit of this, let’s get a little more proactive here with your vision. I want you to start considering weekly action steps for yourself — and I want you to declare them, no matter the size. Then build upon them.

The scaffolding you build around yourself will support you, help you stay accountable to what you want and put some momentum into place.

Doesn’t that sound like a better way to go? Building your own scaffolding is taking your fate into your own hands and writing a better ending!

You can divorce and heal simultaneously. And don’t let anyone tell you differently.

—

Are you ready to heal? To protect your kids, your finances and your future while facing divorce? Book a free strategy call and let’s talk about what’s possible for you.