Getting Your Divorce Ducks in a Row
For most of us, we can’t help it...we derive comfort in having those proverbial ‘ducks in a row’. It provides a sense of calm within the storm.
Especially in divorce where everything feels like chaos — from your marriage to your household, kids, work, self-esteem, emotions, the way life was ‘supposed’ to be, etc. The pieces of your life are scattered about and you’re probably scrambling overtime to recollect them. Am I right?
It’s a lot.
And yet, in this state of upheaval and uncertainty, getting those ducks in line can not only bring calm, it can also help you transform your experience and outcomes of the entire process.
All that to say, they matter.
A prepared divorce is a better divorce.
I never advise a mama to make rash decisions about something as monumental as divorce, but there is a middle ground.
For most of the mamas who are in the Intuitive Divorce community, they labor over the details — down to trying to control how someone else is going to respond or feel (and try to make it better) — sometimes to the point of getting overwhelmed and stuck there, immobilized.
Have no fear, there are nuanced ways of achieving your goals — getting divorced and being prepared ahead of time.
Now this may not seem like news, but getting those ducks in a row is not all about what is obvious. Divorce prep looks differently to each of us but shares common principles.
There are 3 core tenets that need your attention. This is something we dive into deeply in our program. As our messaging states: HOW you divorce matters.
And don’t let the name Intuitive Divorce fool you as being ‘woo woo’ — while we focus on your wellbeing and harnessing the power of your intuition, you will quickly understand why this is powerful strategy.
While you likely don’t want another thing on your plate right now, if you do nothing else, please consider these 3 strategies. They will help you calm, organize and empower yourself.
PREPARE Yourself: Make sure you have access to financial accounts and important documents. Note that there are many more, but to start:
Copy recent statements, tax returns
Verify all passwords to online accounts (and consider changing them for accounts you don’t want anyone else to access ie. Your email)
Secure important documentation like birth certificates, passports, deeds
Run your credit score and consider freezing your credit temporarily (debt incurred during divorce is still considered marital debt)
Establish your own bank account / credit card solely in your name
EDUCATE Yourself: Gather information so you can make solid decisions. This includes things like:
Consulting with family law attorneys (know the law in your state, know the calculator for spousal & child support). Understand what is required to get a divorce and the various avenues available: mediation, collaborative, traditional.
Consulting with a financial advisor who can guide you through the potential scenarios for dividing assets such as a house (renegotiating a mortgage), retirement funds, etc.
Building a village around your children. Enlist a child therapist, teacher or coach to build a team of awareness to support them.
CONSIDER Yourself: This is probably the most over-looked and undervalued tool in the toolbox but when implemented, it is an absolute gamechanger. Note that it will look differently to everyone but as a start consider:
Building protective scaffolding around yourself: Where do you need to impose boundaries? Where do you need to say NO? Where do you need to say YES to you?
Understanding the importance of calming your nervous system and practicing techniques to do so. Know how to get grounded
Getting clear about your objectives (what’s worth fighting for / what’s not — and what’s most important to you)
Creating space to start honoring yourself so you can heal, break old patterns and rebuild
Leaning into self-care (eating better, moving more, sleeping soundly, allowing stillness, daydreaming, creating, being present)
These are just some broad strokes, but as you can see, those ducks have a lot of work to do while getting in a row! Phew.
That said, don’t let that stop you, allow it to empower you to take control of your divorce so you are not sitting around hoping and praying it will all work out — because that is not a strategy. This is why we guide you to become the CEO of your divorce — to take the reins of the process so you don’t get stuck in the system, bullied by your emotionally abusive soon-to-be-ex or derailed by your own emotions and fear.
I’m here to remind you that if you know you want out, if you know you need a change, if you know you are suffocating in the status quo...even if you don’t know how, where and with whom to start...you are ready.
What ducks do you need to get in a row?
Remember one thing; there will always be ducks — and they may never all get in a row — and there may never be a perfect time to divorce. If you set yourself up for that unrealistic expectation you may end up stuck there.
Let’s not let that happen. Let’s not allow you to become another sad divorce statistic.
Taking proactive steps to support yourself and your divorce will create momentum. Before you know it, those ducks will be lining up and you will look back and sigh, WOW! I did it my way...and it feels really good.
You don’t have to do this alone, mama.
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If you’d like expert guidance through your divorce so you can get off the emotional rollercoaster and save time, money and a LOT of heartache, book a free strategy session and let’s lay out a better path for you.
