Divorce and Spirituality: Is There Really a "Woo" Side of Divorce?
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I was recently asked in an interview if I thought that divorce was a spiritual experience.
Hmmm.
I don’t know if I’d call it a ‘spiritual’ experience, but I would call it a healing one and healing brings forth transformation, peace and ease...so I guess there is something spiritual about it.
Then of course the word, “intuitive” elicits its own connotations, like it’s ‘woo woo’ or something. Ha.
First off, who couldn’t use a little ‘woo’...especially when in a divorce where you feel raw, overwhelmed, cracked open and afraid?
People are always curious about intuition (which is a God-given gift we all possess though rarely take advantage of or know how to access).
Your Intuition Never Left You — You Left It
Intuition isn’t something someone else can give you, they can only help you reconnect or reactivate it. It’s there. It never left you.
You left it.
Your intuition is your voice, your gut, your internal GPS. It won’t be denied and it won’t tell you what you want to hear. It will tell you what is true.
Would you recognize its voice if you heard it?
How We Learn to Abandon Our Own Voice
It’s not difficult to see how we have disconnected from it. From the earliest ages, we’re taught to get in line and to defer to the opinions and expectations of others. So much so that we become accustomed to accommodating and considering them, even before our own — from our family of origin, friends and our spouse.
This is where we develop our own coping mechanisms like people-pleasing, putting on a happy face, pretending we don’t have needs, trying to fix and control what isn’t ours to fix and control, staying in perpetual motion trying to accommodate the requests and agendas of everyone else.
We live in an extremely busy, noisy, productivity-oriented world that’s constantly on the go telling us to do more, acquire more, want more.
And this insatiable quest has us spinning in circles and forgetting that what we really need is calm and clarity so that we can come to our own conclusions and trust our decisions — the exact skills that will serve you in divorce.
We lose ourselves in busyness as a means of deflection. We tell ourselves we ‘have to’ and we ‘should’ show up for all of this and yet, it’s really code for denial and disconnection.
Connecting to your intuition is an internal job, not an external one.
Not listening to your gut is likely one of the biggest contributors to landing here in a divorce. In the first place. Am I right?
"I Knew Two Weeks Before My Wedding..."
The vast majority of women I coach inevitably get to the other side of their divorce and look back, recognizing where they abandoned their voices. Many even say things like, “I knew two weeks before my wedding that I was making a mistake.”
I was one of them.
The reasoning I gave myself isn’t really the point. The point is that I talked myself into carrying on against my better judgement, against my intuition that was jumping up and down trying to get my attention.
At that point in my life, I didn’t know how to listen to her, let alone trust her.
But I do now.
And let me tell you that there is no greater gift to self. There is no greater gift to your divorce and no greater gift to all whom you love most dearly. Because when you show up aligned with the core of who you are you will forever move through life a transformed woman.
What Changes When You Start Listening
You will be able to show up for life’s adversity in such a different way. You will no longer drag yourself through the coals.
And in your divorce...
You will be able to guide your team with calm resolve.
You will be able to show up for the big decisions, the tough conversations and the triggering exchanges with calm resolve.
You will be able to model healthy behavior for your children.
You will be able to create the life you want ahead.
So, at the end of the day, back to my original question...is divorce a spiritual experience?
I guess I’d have to say, yes. When you align with your Best Self and apply that to all that you do, life never looks and feels the same way again.
Spirituality Isn't Rainbows and Unicorns
We often mistake being ‘spiritual’ as utopia, when the moon, the stars and the planets align. But I don’t think that’s what it’s really all about.
I think spirituality is a journey. It’s messy. It’s not about rainbows and unicorns, but about inner peace and contentment which aren’t a la carte items on a dinner menu.
First you have to be willing to peel back the layers and take a peek.
Where have you lost pieces and parts of yourself?
Where did your voice go?
What have you forgotten about yourself?
More importantly...what are you ready to reclaim?
Divorce is hard, don’t let anyone tell you differently. It will shake, rattle and roll you, but it is also your opportunity to review, awaken and remember who you are and where you want to go.
You don’t have to know how to do it, you just need to recognize that you want to. There’s a better path to a better divorce and it includes you and your intuition.
In fact, a better divorce is up to you.
The mothers in our group coaching program who are doing that are divorcing smarter, healing faster, protecting their kids and reclaiming their lives — while saving time, money and heartache...yeah, that’s spiritual in my book!
