Divorce Season
I was recently contemplating the notion of seasons in our natural world and in our own lives — seasons of change and transformation on the inside and out — and how they mirror and reflect one another.
There is a cadence we can choose to fall in line with...or not. For example, here where I live in the Catskill Mountains, winter is long, dark, cold...and cozy. The initial shift from Fall to Winter feels abrupt and unwelcomed. I can resist, but that doesn’t delay Winter or make Spring arrive any earlier.
It just creates resistance and friction in my life.
Instead of resisting, I have learned to lean into her embrace — to move at a new pace — to allow what needs to be seen, felt and experienced...unfold.
Emotional healing can feel like that. Divorce can feel like that. An unwanted season.
And yet, here you are.
When life reveals itself to us, like it or not, it means that we are ready to shift. We are ready to embrace the change within us.
Whether you initiated your divorce or not, whether this was something you wanted to see or not, whether you know where it’s all going or not...you are ready. And a voice within is telling you so.
You may not feel ready, but it’s time to trust your intuition, the timing of this divorce and reclaim all the pieces of yourself that you lost along the way.
But now what?
Where do I start?
Who do I hire? (or fire?)
What do I say to my kids?
How do I protect myself?
How do I figure this out?
It starts with getting clear. That doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers or the roadmap to guide you. It means that you have a vision for what you DO want life to look and feel like that you are willing to move towards.
What if, when you catch yourself worrying, stressing, awakening in the middle of the night — you shift your attention away from the fear and into a vision for the desired future? Which do you think will make you feel better?!
Think about these questions:
Who would you be in that chapter?
What would life look like?
What would you be doing?
Where would you live?
What would the relationship with your kids be like?
What about your self-care, your social life, your love life, your dreams?
Why not start mapping that out instead of replaying the thoughts that deflate you and keep you stuck where you don’t want to be?
What if you wrote it down and declared it for yourself? I want you to journal on this for a moment. Don’t worry…you don’t have to share it, it doesn’t have to be prose, you can edit as many times as you like, you can add anything you’ve forgotten later, you can use it to become a new foundation to build upon...I want to help you remember that you are a woman of desires, dreams, needs, wants…and are worthy of it all.
Write it in the present tense as if what you are writing is already here. Don’t worry if it feels uncomfortable or even a little silly at first. It’s probably been a long time since you allowed yourself to daydream about your desires, let alone have them.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind?
One day when I was on the phone with one of the mamas in our coaching program, she was expressing some anxiety around where she was going to live, how she was going to afford it and all the other fear-inducing details.
It’s not that there aren’t certain realities involved here — but I asked her what it would feel like to simply flip her language. For example, instead of reinforcing the fear, how would it feel to state, “I can’t wait to find MY house.”
And you know what?
She immediately felt calmer and took it a step further. She grabbed a Post-it note on her desk and wrote those words and drew a little house to go with it. She hung it where she could see it each day.
A picture that she shared with me...rainbow and all. You can’t make this stuff up!
Best yet...
Skip ahead a few months and she has closed on a new condo that perfectly suits her new life with her son. This hadn’t been her plan — in fact she had just moved into a new rental apartment and was barely settled and unpacked when this situation presented itself.
Sometimes the Universe conspires in amazing ways that you couldn’t have imagined.
I told her she has to frame that seemingly ‘silly’ note as a reminder of the power of her thoughts.
If at first it feels hard to do this in your own life, mama...good! It means that you are onto something. Walk away from it for a moment and consider WHY it feels hard.
Why are you not allowing yourself to believe that good things can happen to you?
Where are you getting in your own way?
What’s standing between you and your desired outcomes?
There’s so much talk about manifesting — more money, more success, more happiness and love — but manifesting doesn’t happen without action steps and action steps don’t happen without intention and belief.
Do you believe that you are a woman worthy of your desires? I sure hope you do.
But I want you to remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was any emotional healing journey. And something tells me that you just might get excited at the prospect of reclaiming your desires, dreams and life — for you and your kids.
So, what do you have to lose by leaning into something that makes you feel expansive and full of possibility? What would it feel like to have command over your self-defeating, limited thinking that tries to sabotage you?
It starts here.
Let’s grab some Post-it notes, a vision board, a journal, a scrap of paper and a pen...let’s get this party started, mama!
Your visions are worthy of it. You ARE worthy.
And no matter where you are, where you’ve been, what’s held you back previously...today is a new day to do it all differently.
Are you ready?
