What Will You Be Left With?

My son recently got me back into rewatching or should I say binge-watching the 1999-2007 drama series, The Sopranos. If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s like watching the Godfather on steroids. And though I originally watched it in real time when it first came out — shockingly, aside from a few details and recognizing characters, it’s like I’m watching it again for the first time.

Maybe it’s also because I see it (and life) through a new lens at this point in my life.

So, what does it have to do with divorce?

Well, [spoiler alert if you plan on watching and haven’t seen it before] of course, this time around I focused right in on Carmela Soprano’s story — especially when she finally kicked her philandering husband to the curb.

Aside from her husband being the literal crime family boss (so, no one tells him what to do) she was also deeply religious and dedicated to her Catholic faith and family. Divorce...not an option. And did I mention that she had dedicated herself to her home and family for decades?

There’s this scene that haunts me where she returns to her mammoth house and stands in the foyer scanning the beautiful home before her — staring into the present silence where there was once a family, hustle bustle, activity and life.

Now with one kid in college, the other a defiant high schooler almost out of the house and her husband gone — the aloneness was palpable. In that moment, it was as if she was doing a life review and somehow saying...or maybe pleading...All of this, and now what, who am I, what am I left with, what am I supposed to do now?

Life was a mere shell of what it once was. And as she stood there in silhouette, she looked empty, alone, abandoned...like she had lost pieces of herself along the way until the present version of herself was almost unrecognizable.

Pretty much all empty nesters know that feeling but toss in a divorce on top and you’ve been whacked with a double whammy.  

But at the end of the day, who abandoned who? That’s the million-dollar question. And honestly, the worst abandonment is that of self.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all self-sacrificed for our marriages, our families, our jobs, etc. Ultimately though, no one wins in that scenario.

This story is as old as the they come — women who sacrifice themselves — their needs, desires, wants, dreams, etc. in lieu of everyone else’s. But then what?

What are you left with? Who are you in that new scenario? Likely someone who is broken, angry, feeling victimized.

You, me, Carmela Soprano — divorce, emotional healing, and transformation. You stand at a crossroads, mama. And sure, you may have regrets (we all do), but don’t be consumed by them. Don’t let them take you down...use them.

Allow them to become the roadmap to the future. Take what feeds you and disregard the rest. Find a new way of moving through the world — one in which you can nurture yourself and still show up for the people and things that are important to you.

You don’t want to wake up one day so detached from yourself that you don’t even know how to find your way back. And you don’t want to model this for your kids.

You know, we can still show up as loving human beings, caretaking, and mothering without losing ourselves in our lives and our divorces.

And if this is where you find yourself right now, that’s OK. It just means you are ready to shift and that the old ways are no longer working for you. And if you don’t know what step to take next, that’s OK too because this is what I do every day.

I walk beside women who are reclaiming the pieces and parts of themselves that they abandoned in the name of motherhood and marriage. They are writing new chapters and stepping into new versions of themselves. They are divorcing differently and saving time, money and heartache in the process. They are blossoming and becoming.

Is that you? Are you ready to shift? If so, check out my FREE Intuitive Divorce workshop (link below this blog) and take the first step.