A Divorce Tale of Woe or Triumph?

We talk about this concept of reframing a lot in our program. Remember, to reframe something isn’t about revisionist history.

I like to use the analogy of taking an old piece of art that you really liked but never found the right place for and so instead, just had it hidden away in a box in the closet. One day, you rediscover it. Pulling it out, dusting it off, you sit admiring it and wondering to yourself, Why have I kept this hidden away, unappreciated?

You even go as far as to have it reframed. Suddenly you see it all differently and before you know it, you’re proudly displaying it in the perfect spot you had never considered before. The art didn’t change — how you viewed it, did.

What if I told you that you are that piece of art?

The same goes with HOW we tell our stories and recount our life experiences, particularly the messy ones like divorce.

I’ll share a little of my personal story here. I could recount a tale of woe that would include some pretty salacious details (think Lifetime Movie in all its drama, I kid you not). I could tell you about infidelity, losing everything, being left homeless, penniless and having to move home with my parents with a small child in tow with my tail between my legs and being a single mom who struggled her way back to herself…

...Or I could tell you about the best part...

HOW it didn’t end there and how I learned to use my life experiences, how I figured out how to pick up the breadcrumbs of my life, how I could see the interconnectedness of my life body, mind and spirit. HOW it led me to the greatest chapter of my life, in the greatest love story, doing the greatest work here with you.

And I don’t think it could’ve added up this way and ended up here without all the other chapters of the story. This is how we use our experiences instead of being used by them. This is how we see life happening FOR us, not TO us.

No matter what you are dealing with, how much it hurts, how uncomfortable it is...what if you could trust that it is guiding you somewhere else and you just don’t see it yet?

Tale of woe or triumph? Which ending are you going to choose?

Whether you see it yet or not, you are the author of that next chapter. Actually, you’re the author of this present moment as well. Yes, you. I’m talking to YOU.

The other day in class, one of my mamas, who is looking at the horizon of her divorce process gave me the best compliment. First off, I have to share that this lady has come through the storm and is dusting off the final remnants of that experience but now moves in such a solid, grounded, wise, intuitive, heart-centered way.

She didn’t choose the divorce. In fact, in the beginning she might’ve told a story from the perspective of the victim. However, today she tells it from the stance of victor — and that has nothing to do with the actual settlement but instead about where it led her and how she stands in this renewed, empowered self.

I never know when a woman will transform, come back to herself, heal and begin again...but the mamas who show up in this program always do...and it’s glorious. But back to this mama’s comment (I just had to gush about her a moment).

Recounting her past months and all the encounters she’s had with various professionals she’s hired to help her arrive here — she said, but “You’ve been the heart of the operation.”

Swoon.

Yes, the Intuitive Divorce is the heart of the operation because we focus on YOU and getting YOU through this in the best condition possible — and making the best decisions for you and your kids. I love my new job title, Chief Heart of the Operation.

It doesn’t get better than that.

Divorce is often accompanied by a buffet of emotions with too much to choose from — up, down, all-around we go, our plates piled high. And any given aspect can make us feel like we could crumble at a moment’s notice.

Hey, it’s a lot. The system can be harsh. Your ex can be triggering and you’re likely digging up a lot that you’ve thought you could dismiss and hide away.

Exhale.

What if you just let it all hang out?

I mean seriously.

And what if you had a place to do that...to just be unapologetically you in all of your messiness and glory?

What if you could simply stop being perfect, refrain from being the fixer, the people-pleaser, the one who makes everyone else feel better — and instead, save some for yourself?

What if you filled your cup so that you could fill your kid’s cup, and so you could show up for your divorce negotiations the way you want to?

That’s what it means to divorce differently. That’s what an intuitive divorce is.

We flip the conventional narrative of divorce on its head. It’s not all about hiring a shark of an attorney, an asset-grab and a tug-o-war over the kids. And don’t get me wrong. Time, money and custody are critical components here, but there’s something missing from that equation...

YOU. 

When was the last time someone nurtured you?

I overheard a great line the other day, “you must feel the pain that ends the pain.” I sat with that a few minutes and then thought...yes, that’s definitely true.

No more denying.

No more hiding.

No more pretending.

We have to feel it to reveal it...so we can heal it.

But we don’t have to do it alone.

I’ve done so much personal work along the way. It hasn’t all been a smooth ride (far from it). But I now see how it all thread together to tell a new story of an empowered mama who rose from the ashes of some pretty harsh realities and created a life for herself and her kid that fills her soul and brought her back to life again.

Isn’t that a better story?

Are you ready for a reframe? What are you going to choose, a tale of woe or triumph? You are writing that story now mama, whether you realize it or not.

I see happy endings on the horizon for you...when you squint, can you see them? They’re there awaiting you.

 Come on...let’s go!