Done?
Did the holidays push you over the edge?
You aren’t alone, you know.
Everyone has a tipping point and unfortunately, the holidays are often ripe with opportunity to exhaust, deplete and drain us.
Far too often mamas try to muscle their way through, hiding beneath the shimmery wrapping paper and ribbons, obligations and merriment...all the while suffocating inside. Because yet again, in the name of keeping the peace, people pleasing and showing up for everyone else...they abandoned themselves.
The truth is that when you want out of an unhealthy relationship, there is no wrapping paper large enough to hide beneath.
There’s a reason that January is known in the divorce industry as, ‘Divorce Month’. It’s a common threshold for mamas who thought things like, “I’ll just get through holidays,” or “I can hold on just a little longer,” or “I can’t do this to my kids right now,” or any other version of this.
And maybe there’s truth within each of these statements, but there’s also an undeniable truth that constantly gets shoved to the side: You matter (and you are a part of this equation).
So, where are you in all of this and how much pretending can you continue to endure?
It’s because you care. I know. I get it.
Sigh.
Life doesn’t happen in tandem with the calendar...just ask your feelings. When they want out...out they will come. If you don’t honor them, they will escape at inopportune times in upside down, backwards and regrettable ways!
We’ve all been there and learned that lesson the hard way, but that can be avoided.
And while timing is unique and can be strategic, you also can’t wait for the stars to align perfectly.
Truth is: there is never a great time to divorce. Divorce is hard but so is living a lie and shrinking as you go.
Ironically, we spend so much energy in life trying to control things that aren’t ours to control, and the very thing we can control — our own suffering and experience of life and others — we bypass.
It is OK to want out of an unhealthy marriage. It is OK to say, “no more!” It is OK to be done.
And yes, HOW you do it matters. But if you know what you know. Feel what you feel. See what you see and shrink at the thought of being stuck here and never making a move — you are ready.
It doesn’t mean you know what to do or how to do it. It means that you are ready to take an action step. For you, maybe that first step is support.
I just want you to step out of this potential divorce scenario for a moment. Think back to a time where you just ‘knew’ something — maybe it was a decision about a relationship, a job, an investment, etc. Think of a time you felt one way and acted another, but later realized where you abandoned your intuition.
Same applies here.
Don’t try to buck up against your intuition, mama. Your intuition will only buck up more!
You can run, but you can’t hide...and why would you want to?
Time and time again, mamas in our coaching program begin connecting dots and experiencing revealing ‘aha’ moments — especially when they drag their feet in a certain area or feel triggered or derailed.
Hey, it’s so easy to get derailed when you are in such a tender and vulnerable space. When you are a loving, compassionate human being you are often a feelings magnet. But along with those feelings often comes the opinions and influence of others that may just push you over the edge (especially that of the unsolicited nature).
It’s hard to trust a path with an unknown destiny — and yet, you know you can’t stay.
Something always happens to the mothers we work with that reminds them they are on the right track, and they have to keep going. Your divorce will move at your speed. Expect fits and spurts, potholes and unexpected detours along the way. And especially the wobbles.
I’d be surprised if you don’t second-guess yourself at some point. It’s all a part of the journey. I don’t worry when a woman delays, I know she has to move at her own pace. This is how she will find her truth and her answers.
But when we betray ourselves and pretend that things are OK when they are not, that we can tolerate something we can’t — we tend to fall harder. Hey, some of us need a lightning bolt from above to get the message! Ha.
Maybe you sucked it up this holiday season and made it through for the ‘benefit’ of everyone else? How’d that feel? Is this where you want to be a year from now?
Just be open to receive your messages.
Mamas will often beat themselves up when they paused or second-guessed themselves and trusted the pleading of a desperate spouse — and then find themselves back where they started but this time more frazzled and worn. I remind them to not waste energy on beating themselves up, but rather use its fuel.
-What did you learn?
-What do you see that you are ready to act on?
-What can you no longer deny?
-How do you want life to feel?
And while we are at it...can we stop and applaud you for arriving here? Don’t bypass what it took to see your life through a new lens and hold a new vision.
Life will reaffirm what we need to see...we just have to open our eyes.
I see you, mama. I know this feels hard and overwhelming, but what you have been doing is actually harder. Maybe you are ready to be done with that?
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If you’re facing off with divorce but unsure what steps to take next and how to protect your kids and your finances and your future? Book a free divorce strategy session and let’s explore how you can achieve the best experience and outcomes.
What’s your intuition telling you as you face off with divorce? Please share in the comments below and let’s continue the conversation…