Faith, Fear and a Happier Ending
For most of us, divorce leaves us feeling gutted emotionally, vulnerable, scared and like we’ve somehow failed — whether we initiated the divorce or had a divorce dropped in our lap.
It’s hard not to feel that way.
But what if you could tell your story differently and imagine a new and improved ending?
Why is it so easy to latch onto the fear-inducing storylines and dismiss the possible outcomes that happy-ever-afters are made of?
When I look back upon my own divorce — there was nothing to feel good about. Every bomb that could’ve been dropped on me was. Plot twist extraordinaire. I was completely taken off guard and an emotional wreck. Worse yet, I was without tools to navigate it!
Marriage over (check). Infidelity (check). Lose home and money (check). Embarrassed and have to move home with parents with a toddler in tow (check). Feel like a washed up loser (check. check. check).
There wasn’t a lot to feel good about there.
Stories come in all shapes and sizes, flavors and dramas. But what if they were perfectly suited for us? What if we were ready to see what needed to be seen — and we could see it through a different lens?
Initially, when my own life fell apart, I felt a gamut of self-defeating emotions. Consumed with fear, it was easy to fall into a pit of victimization. But truth be told, I grew weary of that. Besides, my little boy didn’t deserve to have his life defined by the actions of his parents. That wasn’t the storyline I wanted to live.
I know it’s so hard to navigate a divorce with children, but it’s also an incredible blessing. They are a constant reflection back to us of what we really want — they propel us towards our power. They are counting on our Best Selves.
Hey, that doesn’t happen overnight by any stretch of the imagination. Nor do you want it to.
We must walk through the emotions that arise in order to get to the other side of them.
But what if in doing so we could tell a different story about it all.
Today, 21 years out on the other side of my life implosion, I tell a new version — one infused with humor, tenacity and courage. Fortified by the benefit of hindsight, I now see how life was working FOR me, not AGAINST me.
Today, my faith trumps my fear in recounting it all.
And sometimes, I even share it with the mamas I coach as a means to help them imagine their own outcomes differently and retell a new story.
Now here’s how my story plays out.
I like to believe there was a celestial gathering in the skies above. A legion of my guardian angels gathered together shaking their heads as they looked down upon me on Earth. “Oh boy, we’ve got a stubborn one here. She’ll never leave this marriage. She’ll hang in there, try to make it work, ultimately lose pieces of herself along the way, shrink — and never become who she is meant to be and create what she is meant to do. We’re going to have to shake things up...in a BIG way for her to get the message. We’ve got to get her out of there.”
As if on cue...my life blew up in an irreparable way. There was no staying, going back, repairing. There was only moving forward in faith (and fear).
I joke, and yet, I believe this wholeheartedly. Had I stayed, I wouldn’t be where I am today doing what I’m doing, living in a lane of purpose and service. I would still be sleepwalking.
Sure, I would’ve liked to have gotten here minus all the excess drama...but that just wasn’t the way my story was going to unfold.
I tell you this because I want you to daydream a moment — to consider a beautiful outcome, to consider that your current suffering and unrest is guiding you somewhere far better.
Hey, I don’t take divorce lightly. The dissolution of a family is never easy, but suffocating in an unhealthy relationship isn’t either.
And I know if you are here in this community, you are a heart-centered mama trying to get this ‘right’ for yourself and your kids.
If I can give you a gentle nudge today, it is to lean into your faith, not your fear — to care for yourself, be gentle and don’t try to have all the answers right now. To reclaim your superpowers, take the hand of your intuition and allow it to guide you.
But remember, faith is more than just thinking happy thoughts, it’s about taking conscious steps out of what you want to leave behind and into where you want to go.
Consider for a moment how you are telling your story? What role do you play in that production?
Now consider the story you WANT to tell and the woman you want to be in that story.
Tell me ALL about her!
As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day — it took some architectural renderings and plans. The same goes for your new life chapter, mama.
Go ahead become the architect of your own renovation and become a New York Times bestselling author of your next chapter while you are at it!
You can plan on a different outcome. Doesn’t the thought of that feel better already?
Write a better ending in your head. Start visualizing that then formulate steps to move you in that direction. Where would you start?
And if you want a co-author, someone to walk beside you as you do, I’m just a phone call away.
What’s the story you’d like to write for your divorce? Please leave a comment below…I’d love to continue the conversation!