Planting Seeds
Divorce is a long game. It likely took you a little while to get here...it’ll take a little time to untangle. But every move you make is planting seeds for how the divorce and your life will unfold.
Whether you have a green thumb or not, we are all gardeners of this life we are tending. Sometimes we are planting seeds and envisioning a bountiful future — and other times we are harvesting the fruits of our labors.
Sometimes we are stuck in between navigating the elements, waiting out the storms and relying upon faith reminding ourselves that everything will be OK, that it will all work out.
There’s no way around it, only through it.
I love this time of year because the natural world around me is all abuzz — colors popping, birds singing, trees budding and flowers emerging, sweet fragrance in the air. I tiptoe out of my house and begin to peel off the layers of winter.
Can I trust this?
Spring is a metaphor for birthing new beginnings — a lullaby of faith.
It doesn’t happen all at once. It’s not like we suddenly wake up and the world is completely different overnight, but the signs are everywhere. Transformation is underfoot.
Divorce is like spring — tender and vulnerable. There is evidence of change, but also fear of the unknown. Will the flowers bloom? Will the grass grow? Will I ever feel happy again?
There are no guarantees in life, weather or marriage — and a lot of variables to contend with at any time, but this is precisely why we have to roll up our sleeves and be willing to get our hands in the dirt.
It’s time to put our gardening gloves on — an invitation to be the architect of your life garden.
I know that life feels heavy during the divorce process. Suddenly, days are filled with calls, endless streams of paperwork to fill out, meetings, negotiations, overwhelm and every emotion in between.
As if a busy mom needed another thing on her plate.
You know, the truth is that we are always planting seeds in good times and bad. Our actions create reactions. Divorce feels like something you just have to ‘get through’ and survive — and I’m certainly not diminishing the emotional upheaval and pain that often accompanies it.
But I do want to point out the possibility and opportunity as well.
So many of the women I work with lament wishing they had left sooner, put up with less, not denied what they knew and lost pieces of themselves along the way...shrunk to a version of themselves that is barely recognizable.
And while all of that may be true, I invite them to celebrate the fact that they see it now.
We don’t need to beat ourselves up, feel guilty and ashamed. We don’t need to be unkind or angry and self-admonishing about missteps and regrets. That only adds more pollution to the mix.
We need to acknowledge the courage it takes to see the truth.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Not every woman has the courage to leave or to stand up for herself or her kids. Not every woman has the courage to enact change — to see her reflection in all the chapters that brought her to this point.
Not every woman has the courage to get into the garden and plant seeds for a new life fertilized with blind faith and dreams for better outcomes.
But you do...otherwise you wouldn’t be here.
Yes, life events and heartbreak can knock us to our knees. They can leave us stunned and breathless. And as we sit there assessing what has happened to the world about us, trying to catch our breath — we are faced with a choice.
Do I use this?
Do I find meaning in it?
Do I uncover my role in this?
Do I connect the dots of my own life and find what I am meant to learn here?
Do I trust myself?
And what seeds do I want to plant in this new garden?
Your garden is an open field to landscape as you like, mama. You get to weed out that which no longer serves you and plant what you want.
What do you want to grow?
What do you want to model for your kids?
What do you want your life to look and feel like?
Hey, everyone loves a happy ending with the heroine riding off triumphantly into the glorious sunset like we see in Netflix movies.
But happy endings don’t just happen, they are created.
Even if you don’t know a thing about gardening or nurturing yourself through this rollercoaster ride called divorce, knowing that...
you want emotional healing
you don’t want to repeat the same patterns that led to here
you want to break free and navigate life differently while holding onto even the tiniest of seeds of hope that this is possible
...is where it all begins.
No, there are no guarantees in life or divorce. The sun may shine one day — we may be flooded out with torrential rainstorms the next. The temperatures may rise and fall — a heatwave or a frost may sweep through. But we can learn to lean on ourselves for answers and trust that we will not only get through this, we will also make meaning of it. We will discover its gifts and what it was trying to show us, and we will nurture a glorious new life garden of our own design.
If this is you...if you’re ready to plant seeds for a new chapter — one that will feel grounded, heart-centered, aligned with your mama intuition and something you can feel really good about when you look back and march forward...I’d love to walk beside you during this journey.
The seeds of my coaching program were born of my desire to help mamas reclaim their lives, live vibrantly and authentically and gloriously. And at the core of this is healing.
How you divorce matters. How you get through this, matters. How you get your kids through it matters — and the condition you will be in when you arrive at the other side matters...because you matter, mama.
I can’t stress that enough.
And btw, it’s hard to know this before you are in the throes of it, but there is a lot of gardening that needs to be tended to during divorce — and a lot of life that happens between appointments with your attorney or mediator. There are a lot of emotions to deal with. It’s not a time to brush your needs aside. No, instead — seize your opportunity, plant your seeds and create your own happy ending (and bountiful garden).
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
Could you pause and ponder what you want your next chapter to look like? What weeds would you remove? What would you plant? Please leave a comment and let’s continue the conversation!