Giving Thanks

Hey Mamas, I just wanted to quickly pop in to check in on you. With the holidays here in the US right around the corner, I know that this time of year (especially when going through divorce) can be a serious mixed bag.

Everything is up in the air. Nothing is the same. And our emotions can run amuck, having a field day with it all.

We can easily get caught up in all the feelings — the way things ‘used to be’, the way things were ‘supposed to be’, the way you wanted them to be. And on top of it, we can have selective memories about all the holidays of the past.

Somehow, it’s easy to remember them like Hallmark movies. But the reality is that none of us live our lives on a perfectly scripted movie set or within this famous Norman Rockwell painting from the forties. We are human, holidays can be triggering even without a divorce — and then we add salt to our own emotional wounds.

So, what’s cooking for you...a plate full of expectation with a side of guilt?

Are you worried about your kids and what their holidays will be like?

Are you comparing yourself to others, pressuring yourself about how you should show up? And if you will have enough energy to show up as the hostess with the most-est?

Could you interrupt this regularly scheduled program a moment and allow yourself to step out of that so you could try to see it differently?

Give yourself the grace you would bestow upon a friend in need.

Look, when you are in the throes of upheaval, it’s hard to feel festive and join the party. No one says you have to be or do anything you aren’t up to. However, there’s a lot between point A (lying in bed hiding underneath the covers) and point B (pasting on a happy face and pretending that everything is ‘fine’).

Between the two lies a sweet spot where you can be you, experiencing what you are experiencing and still showing up for yourself and your kids.

You may be facing challenging situations like dealing with shared custody during the holiday or vying for your kid’s attention. And yes, when a family unit dissolves, many traditions go with it.

But here’s the good news: New traditions are waiting to be formed.

Think about what would bring you the most ease and nurturing during the holiday. For some that would include gathering with others. For some it may be a call to remain quiet. Contemplate both scenarios. Ask yourself what would feel better.

What would bring you joy?

What would feel like a hug?

Then move towards that...and don’t worry what anyone else is demanding of you.

I know that sounds harsh, but it is intended to be more in the spirit of self-preservation. When we don’t listen to the voice within or honor what we know to be truth, we betray ourselves — and no one wins.

The key to navigating holidays during upheaval is twofold: Remain present and find things to be grateful for. Yes, that’s it. I don’t care about the rest right now...and neither should you.

I know that can sound like a lot of blah, blah, blah...but these are powerful tools of self-preservation.

Don’t attempt to recreate the past, instead write the future.

Design your day.

Enlist your kids.

Ask them what they would love to do.

Fold them into the decision-making.

Keep it simple.

Shake it up.

Make a meal together.

Set a beautiful table.

Collect items on a walk-in nature to decorate your table.

Get creative.

Spend some time writing gratitude lists that you can share after dinner.

Allow yourself to exhale and release the pressure of this old image you are holding yourself accountable to.

Most of all, break free from ‘shoulds’ and allow yourself to remember that even though you may not feel like it right now — you are a fierce momma. You are not giving up. You want more from life for you and your kids and you are bravely navigating dark, murky emotional waters.

Instead of being triggered by what once was, what’s missing, what still doesn’t feel right...remember what is possible. You are on your way and can still experience joy as you go.

Seize the little moments. Hold them close. Count your blessings.

You’ve got this momma.

I send you blessings and courage and fierce momma love as you go.