Healing Isn’t a Hair Appointment

I was recently communicating with one of the beautiful mamas in our coaching program when I thought to myself, “OK, she’s in the thick of it.” Thick of what, you might ask?

Thick of moving the needle of her healing process.

She was standing in the muck and mire — that place of mixed emotions, seething anger and gut-wrenching heartbreak. A place that feels like you are in a life review, or at least a marriage review.

How did I put up with this?

How did I not see it?

Why didn’t I do anything about it sooner?

How could I let someone do this to me?

Why won’t he take any accountability?

Does any or all of this sound familiar to you? I hope so. It’s not because I want you to suffer, No, I want you to live your best life in the best version of yourself — for you and your kids.

So, I reminded her how much courage it takes to make a move on behalf of herself, especially after all of these years. It also takes guts to show up during this time to do the real work — healing — and to see the connection.

Healing isn’t an afterthought or something you want to deal with later.

The reality is that there is a lot of ‘in-between’ during a divorce process. Those are the moments between your consultations with your attorneys, court dates, piles of paperwork and filings. The moments where your wounds bubble over and you feel triggered, derailed and like you are coming apart at the seams, not knowing what to do with all of it — or if you will ever get through it.

Technically, you can get through your divorce with the help of a lawyer and a financial planner — but where are you and those big feelings in that equation — and how do you avoid not getting lost?

Denying your feelings is likely one of the reasons you landed in a divorce to begin with.

Divorce isn’t all about the division of assets, who gets the house, the parenting plan and signing on the dotted line.

What then?

The dust will eventually settle, but will you?

Will you still be blaming your ex for everything (even if he/she was an abusive narcissist)?

Will you feel like you’ve been put through the ringer mentally and physically?

Will you feel deflated or hopeful?

No one ever said that divorce was easy. Nope, it’s not a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination. Neither are growing pains.

Mark my words, you won’t want to go back down that divorce path again...ever again. So, don’t.

How do you avoid it?

You show up for yourself. You have the guts to look under the hood. You take control of your story.

What did I pretend I didn’t see?

Why was I afraid?

What was my role?

What can I learn about myself here?

What do I need to see to shift this dynamic in my life?

When you are in the thick of it and someone tells you that one day you will thank your ex for this...you might want to punch them in the face. But it’s true.

One day you will find yourself on the other side of this mess. You will be wearing new glasses to see it all differently. You will tell a new story. You will see your courage. You will thank yourself for staying the course — and you will thank your ex for giving you reason to free yourself.

In the meantime, cut yourself some slack though. You don’t need all the hindsight platitudes right now. Be gentle and non-judgmental with your emotional highs and lows.

You may be contemplating taking first steps or already in it. I know this isn’t easy.

Healing isn’t a hair appointment.

No...no one is going to massage your scalp, blow your hair out and pamper you. And it won’t shift immediately.

We don’t ‘get over’ things (or exes) on demand because someone else sprinkles some glittery wisdom on it.

They don’t call it a healing process for nothing.

Trust your timing, dear mama. Allow yourself to be supported. Surround yourself by people who are there for you in the messiness of the divorce ‘in-betweens’ — during the ups, downs and all-arounds, during the messy cries and the cringe-worthy, regrettable outbursts — so they can remind you that you are in fact making real healing progress...even if you don’t yet see it.

Supporting mamas is what I do every day. And to be honest, it’s one of the best things I get to do. I walk beside women who are coming back to themselves as they navigate one of the hardest times of their lives...and I get to witness them come alive again.

I see it with each woman we work with...and it never gets old.

And don’t just take it from me, this really works. Here are the words one particularly bold, sassy and beautiful mama texted to me:

“Grateful for you and the program; such a lifeline and I am embracing the transformation; just gotta do it while wading through the 💩 creek for a while longer from time to time!”

Are you ready for some of what she’s having? I hope so.

It all can start with one step forward on behalf of yourself. Check out this FREE Intuitive Divorce Workshop to begin and get your healing in motion, mama.

“Healing from divorce is a long process, and it’s not necessarily a linear one. Some days are better than others, and sometimes your ‘namaste’ efforts are no match for your ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake’ reality.”

~ Dawn Dais / The Shit No One Tells You About Divorce