It’s Your Party

Celebrations can be hard when you are going through a divorce and you’re likely feeling anything but celebratory.

I remember it well. I remember wishing we could just skip through them and take a pass that year. But then I looked at my little boy’s face and recalibrated quickly.

He didn’t ask for this. He didn’t deserve to have his holidays stripped away because of the status of his parent’s marriage. Is that what I wanted for him? Of course not.

And while I didn’t want to pretend that nothing was going on and just carry on business as usual — there was some middle ground to be had. We could still celebrate life, traditions and create new memories.

Rising to the occasion wasn’t always so easy, but I never, ever regretted it. In fact, it was a welcomed distraction. Besides, did I mention how much I love birthdays?

Which brings me to my next point...

It’s my birthday week...and as you read this I will be in Paris on vacation with my ‘boy’ (almost 24 years old). It’s a dream come true trip for me for so many reasons (too many to share here). 

Suffice it to say, my mama heart is beaming, and I am so grateful for this long-awaited adventure. I dreamed of taking him to Paris and sharing this part of my life for decades. I imagined showing him the city I first traveled to alone at sixteen years old and lived in on and off for years — inviting him into this stroll down memory lane, or in this case...the Champs Elysée.

I share this here with you for a few reasons, not to boast or brag (although I hope you have a similar dream trip on your bucket list with your kids), but rather to celebrate what is possible when we don’t give up.

Yes, I love birthdays! Period. Mine, yours and even the random person sitting at the table next to me in a restaurant blowing out birthday candles.

I let everyone know it’s my birthday and I always plan something special (well, maybe not Paris-special) but I don’t sit around and expect anyone else to read my mind, know what I want or set them up to disappoint me.

No, I take birthday festivities and designing my special day into my own hands.

And yes, this one feels extra special (and it is) but it’s because of the journey to here — and being able to share it with you.

When my life fell apart over 2 decades ago, and when I was staring down divorce with a toddler on my hip, the world was a different place. I didn’t have access to social media, podcasts, digital courses, or divorce coaches. Let’s just say, ‘conscious uncoupling’ wasn’t all the rage.

And I didn’t have a clue.

That resulted in a lot of fumbling, stumbling and unnecessary suffering. But even though I didn’t know it at the time, and even through some of the darkest days (like having to move home to live with my parents again, losing everything and feeling completely broken) — I was planting the seeds that led me to here — and to this birthday.

Does everything happen for a reason? Did I have to go through that experience in order to become the divorce coach that I am? I don’t know, but I sure see it as making lemonade out of lemons. I see how it taught me to use the events of my life as opposed to being used by them. I see how no matter how low I got, I held onto a morsel of faith that I would get back on my feet, party hats and all.

And I see how it gave me back my life again.

And that sure is worth celebrating.

My healing didn’t happen overnight — and don’t let anyone try to convince you that’s possible — or that if you are not yet where you want to be, that you are failing. But what is possible is that we can reach for better feelings, we can reach for support and nurturing and in doing so we plant seeds for new chapters.

Through it all, I never relinquished a birthday or a celebration. Even when it was difficult to muster my inner party animal, I still showed up, ate my cake and sent my wishes into the Universe.

It’s an honor to have a birthday (though I’m not going to lie, this aging thing is a bit challenging at times) [wink] — but we mustn’t relinquish our joy, our birthdays, our holidays or anything that makes us dream bigger and further.

I’ve traveled through many ups, downs and all-arounds. I’ve been cracked open, raw, vulnerable, and terrified. I’ve had my heart broken and endured loss — and chances are you can relate. But it is not until you can put a bit of distance between yourself and those events that your wisdom emerges.  

I have earned my wisdom and I still work hard to keep my mind and heart open to wonder and curiosity. There are so many things that I want to do, see, taste and become in this life.

There was a time that I wouldn’t have thought a trip like this would be possible for me again...but it is...and it can be for you too.

What’s your Paris?

A birthday is nothing to dismiss even if you don’t want to celebrate with others or in any lavish way, even if you don’t like fanfare or presents. This is a date to be honored. You are to be honored and this is your true new year — the start of all that lies ahead.

Yes, I’m doing it BIG this year...and we will be dining upon a decadent meal in an electric boat cruising down the Seine at sunset. I will be wishing big wishes as I blow out my candles — not just for me, but for you too. And for all the mamas struggling to keep it all together for their kids.

Honoring your birthday isn’t all about wishing for ‘more’ — it’s for giving thanks. I’m so thankful to have landed here so I could walk beside other women, holding their hands and helping them avoid some of the pain I endured.

Yes, my breadcrumbs led to here...and here is a pretty darn good place.

Cheers to my new year and yours, mama!

A birthday (or today) is a great day to give thanks for precious life and to envision new beginnings. Memories are always there for the making — to fill photo albums and frames. Don’t let it pass you by.