It Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

Kristen, camping in Maine, 2025

I just returned from a week in nature camping in a beloved spot in Maine. It’s a place of familiarity, steeped in two decades of family memories. I’m flooded with visions of our kids riding bikes through the campsite, crabbing on the docks, cooking meals together, long chats by the fire at night, fireflies...

Every time a small child crossed my path, I smiled and remembered back.

Sigh. My mama heart pangs.

The first time we went back to the campsite alone, just the two of us, after our kids had dropped out of the tradition — I didn’t think I could face it. I thought I would miss them too much, that I would be haunted by the routines and pace.

At first, admittedly there was a bit of that. But just like any kind of empty-nesting or co-parenting scheduling — when we stop resisting, we start revealing. We create space for something else to emerge. We lean into flow. We trust and exhale.

New routines emerge. New pace is set. New ways of being unfold.

Now I laugh, because I’m so entrenched in these ‘new ways of being’ that when the kids wanted to come back...we said NO! Ha. We started to like our time away by ourselves not attending to everyone else’s needs, wants and desires.

These days, I’m open to going with the flow and seeing where it takes us. It’s a much less stressful approach. I’ve resigned from trying to control everything!

Which brings me to what I want to share with you today.

For me, Maine is a place that calms my entire being...most of the time.

Of course, as they say, you bring your baggage along with you wherever you go. It takes a little time to sink into a new groove and pace and to be aware of how you are feeling and what is coming up for you.

Self-awareness is a tool of transformation. It is powerful strategy for any form of life adversity, especially divorce.

Again, it doesn’t mean that you won’t feel discomfort or disappointment. It actually means that you won’t try to wrestle it to the ground and instead will ask it, “OK, what are you trying to tell me, show me, direct me to?”

I made a little discovery about myself on this trip that I want to share with you. Because it was so simple and yet, so profound.

Let me set the stage. I have been working on some pretty exciting stuff with getting my Intuitive Divorce book out into the world. Before we left on the trip, I had completed a huge milestone and put the book proposal out to agents.

And then I set myself up.

As I hiked my way through Adacia National Park, my mind would wander...

When will I hear back?

Will they like it?

What if they don’t?

You get the point.

Essentially, I felt like my fate was in the hands of others. Sound familiar?

One day in the car, I found myself a little cranky (code for: feeling anxious). Suddenly, a text came through with some good news. I felt the relief in every cell of my body. OMG! Is this really happening? In only a week? Could it really be that simple?

Bill turned to me and said, “You know, it doesn’t have to be hard.” Those words hit me like salve for an aching soul. It was as if they were the wisest words I had ever heard.

Pure truth lands like that.

Yes...just what if, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE HARD? Huh, imagine that.

I tell you this because — we set ourselves up every day, in so many ways without recognizing it. But the truth is that we decide if it has to be hard or not. Sure, there is much that isn’t in our control, but there is much that is. Mainly, how we view the circumstances before us and what we make them to mean about us.

Read that again.

Let’s just get this off the table:

Divorce will feel like a ride on an emotional rollercoaster

It will toss you around

Maybe it will excite you

Maybe it will fill you with fear

BUT the bottom line is that whether you initiated it or it was dropped in your lap, something needs to change. Something needs your attention, not your denial.

I’m in no way dismissing the enormity of this process, but I do want you to know that even though you may be feeling extraordinarily powerless at the moment, there is much you can do to help yourself and your kids through it all.

I don’t say these words lightly but during this time of uncoupling and dismantling there is opportunity for healing, opportunity for reimagining.

When a red light on the dashboard of your car starts flashing, it’s indicating a need. You don’t deny that something needs attention. You don’t risk breaking down on the side of the road.

What if the same holds true here?

When we feel rumbling within, when we feel discomfort, when we are uneasy, sad, disconnected, isolated, lost or stuck, when we no longer recognize ourselves — the red lights are flashing.

You are allowed to have needs, mama.

I want you to know that even if you are taken for a bumpy ride through this divorce, even if you feel totally out of control — trust me when I say that you can choose to heal, you can control your experience, you can model how to navigate adversity for your kids, you can show up on the other side of this all a completely new woman with a fresh, new empowered perspective.

The opportunity to do all of that is right now in tandem with the messiness. You don’t have to put life on hold. You don’t have to put living on hold. You can find ways to nurture yourself, be more present with your kids and keep your divorce on track — while saving time, money and heartache.

In fact, it’s all intertwined.

And while you may not know what steps to take first, and it may feel uncomfortable to lean into new routines — I share the advice Bill gave to me...it doesn’t have to be hard.

If this sounds good to you, if you want to divorce differently, learn to harness the power of your intuition so you can trust yourself to make the big decisions, show up for the tough conversations and guide your kids...lean in mama.

I got you. It’s called the Intuitive Divorce.

Before I sign off, I also want to leave you with this line from a book I recently read, The Tell by Amy Griffin...

“Just because I was underwater, didn’t mean I was going to drown.”