In Need of a Magic Wand in Your Divorce?

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I really, really, really wish I had a magic wand to wave over every aching mama navigating divorce. I do.

I once walked in those shoes...those very uncomfortable shoes. I know what it feels like to be awake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning in anxious thoughts and worries. I know how bleak it can all feel — how it feels like there is no end in sight.

My Story

My divorce was a long time ago and there were no resources available like today. And I didn’t understand then what I know full well now — that the condition you are in while divorcing affects everything.

I mean...it makes sense logically, but I just didn’t really understand it practically.

So, I suffered far longer than I needed to.

I worried.

I lost weight.

I was depressed.

I lived on cigarettes and coffee (I know. That was 20 years ago!).

I felt like I was drowning.

My back went out and one day I couldn’t get up off the kitchen floor with a small child asleep in his bed down the hall.

It was bad.

But that was the day that I cracked open the door to a new understanding...not only does the body keep the score — you can’t outrun any of this, try as you might.

And trust me I tried.

A friend called me and said, “I’m coming to pick you up and take you to my kinesiologist.” I responded by saying, “I don’t care who you take me to see, just make the pain stop.”

Kind of sounds like divorce...don’t you think?

That day I walked out of the kinesiologist’s office a completely transformed person. My back wasn’t healed, I was still caught amidst a very contentious and drama-filled divorce, but I was renewed with a new sense of perspective and connection to my own power.

That day I began to understand the interconnectedness of my body, mind and spirit and slowly I began to heal my life...not just one part of it.

That day I started to see that my body wasn’t working against me, it was working for me — alerting me to the fact that I couldn’t carry on like this. Literally.

I didn’t know it then, but that pain and suffering lead me to so many beautiful new paths — probably the most transformative was creating Best Self Magazine, a journey that introduced me to the leading experts in the realm of holistic health — and one that opened my entire way of thinking and being. And spoiler alert, I also met the love of my life when I wasn’t even looking (who I’ve been with for 21 years now!).

Reframing Your Divorce

I share this because in the darkness of your suffering as you stare into the abyss of the unknown, I want you to hold onto faith. I want you to know that you are planting seeds right now for all that is to come...even if you can’t yet see it or imagine it. Freedom. Possibility. Peace. New Beginnings. Your Best Self.

This is the fertile soil you are tilling. You are weeding out the parts that need to go. You are nurturing something new and tender. You can’t create the life you want in chaos.

Open your eyes. Pay attention. Get still. Allow yourself to feel and heal. Hear what is calling to you. What is your body saying? Where is your intuition guiding you?

Think of the butterfly...

“Monarchs are the symbol of hope and life, often seen with wings spread in glorious power. But before they can ever take flight, they must completely transform.

The process is daunting and dark. And just when they think their life is over, they emerge...hanging by their feet, wings wet and folded, weary from the change. Their whole world, upside down.

Then, they summon all of their courage and bravely let go.

Upon seeing their world from above, they know...

They were always meant to fly.”

~The Festive Farm Co.

Who does that sound like? Are you in need of a little wind beneath your wings?

There is no magic pill in divorce — and nothing that can make you immune to the discomfort of the process. However, divorce is temporary. You are growing, expanding, becoming — no longer suffocating, hiding and shrinking.

Hell no, you are stretching those wings!

The good news is that you get to guide the process. You get to decide what you will and will not participate in. What boundaries you will set to protect yourself. What chaos you will walk away from. What new ways of being you are leaning into.

This doesn’t happen all at once.

My back pain wasn’t working against me, and neither are your pains. They’re just calling to you, reminding you of what you already know...

It’s OK to fly.

It’s OK to want out.

It’s OK to have needs.

You don’t need me to paint the painful picture of divorce. You’re already in it or about to be. You know what’s at stake and you know what you want — you just may not know how to get there or what step to take next. Or how not to get overwhelmed by it all.

There’s a lot that gets unpacked in a divorce with children. There’s a lot that you don’t expect and wish you could deal with on the other side of it all, but you can’t.

In the ‘in-betweens’ — all the moments of life that appear between the more monumental ones like being in court or strategizing with your attorney or filling out mounds of paperwork — there is you, your kids, big feelings and lots to navigate.

You Are Ready

But here’s some more good news: If it’s showing up, I’m a firm believer that you are ready to deal with it. I know it’s not fun. I know the timing sucks (or so it feels) but you are cleaning up your house.

First step: Find your hope and hold it tight.

Second step: Know that you don’t have to do this alone.

JUST this week, the mothers in our program made massive personal strides...

One negotiated a final settlement on her terms

One advocated for herself instead of retreating and giving in ‘to keep the peace’

One allowed herself to view her options through a new lens and made an offer on a house

One held firm boundaries with a parent who was alienating her child from her

One pulled the trigger on having her attorney file her paperwork to initiate the process

All HUGE steps forward and we celebrated it all, but none of this happened overnight. Here’s the deal: NOT taking steps doesn’t move the needle in your divorce or life and nothing changes. Not advocating for self keeps the status quo in place — allows the narcissists to run rampant over your life.

Action steps on behalf of what you want doesn’t change another person — it changes you, your life and how you show up for all that is most important to you, dear mama.

These women all saved themselves a lot of time and unnecessary heartache. They didn’t do it alone, they leaned in and declared...I need support.

And from that moment forward, they initiated healing, they felt less alone, they made lifelong friends and they began to believe that better outcomes were possible.

There is a better path to a better divorce...it’s an Intuitive Divorce. And mothers just like you are divorcing smarter, healing faster, protecting their kids and reclaiming their lives — while saving time, money and heartache. And you can too!

No magical thinking needed, just the will to believe in lasting transformation and the action to make it real.