Ready to Jump? How to Trust Yourself When Divorce Feels Terrifying

Is it time to make a move?

I know that divorce can feel like you are jumping off a cliff into the deep sea of the unknown below. And the reality is that in some ways it is, but the other reality is that you likely feel like you are suffocating, shrinking and know that you can’t stay stuck in the status quo of where you are...forever.

Any of that resonating with you?

I’m often reminded of a summer with my family in Maine where we vacation each year. Throughout the years my kids have taken turns jumping off a cliff above the ocean. Each year, I sat in the distance watching, taking pictures for them and saying a silent prayer for their safety.

One year, completely unexpectedly, I jumped up and declared, “I’m going to jump.” I’m sure I stunned them. But within moments I was peeling off layers of clothes and climbing down the cliffside to a small ledge high above the crashing waves.

The thing about this ledge is that once there, you were committed. There was no way to change your mind and climb back up safely.

Surprisingly, once on the ledge, I found myself trembling...yes, physically shaking. My heart was beating, and I felt terror racing through my body. I called upon all my tools, deep breathing, prayer and some nervous system calming best I could.

Within minutes (which honestly felt like hours) I leaped forward (screaming as I went) and plunged into the water below. This video is evidence. Can you hear me screaming and my kids laughing?! Teenagers.

Honoring Your Feelings

This is what it feels like to your nervous system when you make a move into the unknown, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the move. It means you should honor what comes up — see it, feel it, nurture it.

Get quiet. In stillness our truth is revealed, and we hear what needs to be heard...and yes, that may require a leap of faith, mama.

Only you can answer that question, but when you do, know that you don’t have to jump alone.

Now you may think that because I am the founder of a divorce coaching practice called the Intuitive Divorce that I’m all ‘woo woo’...and that you don’t have time for that right now.

I’m definitely all about health and healing, body, mind and spirit, because I know it’s a gamechanger in every aspect of your life, no matter what you’re facing. You may not know this about me, but I once walked in your shoes and as I often say, those were some uncomfortable shoes!

But I’m also a businesswoman who wants to hit goals — that involves strategy to achieve desired outcomes. And like it or not, divorce is the negotiation of your life, particularly when it comes to mothers.

I do what I do so I can help women transform the experience and outcomes of their divorces and avoid the runaway trains they can easily become.

Not sure if this will work for you? Let me share a message I just received from a mother who graduated our program:

“When I first reached out to you, I recognized that I needed guidance in navigating the difficult journey ahead. I was just beginning to come to terms with the decision to divorce my husband of 29 years.

You played an invaluable role in helping me prepare for the conversation with my husband and our children so I could convey my feelings in a way that was concise yet compassionate. Those conversations were pivotal.

You taught me to trust my instincts, and I committed fully to my decision, rooted in the powerful, intuitive affirmations I made on that day.

Additionally, you instilled in me the importance of self-care. I began journaling daily and increased my exercise routine, which helped clarify my thoughts during this tumultuous time. And you gave me so many professional insights, which my friends and family couldn’t provide.

One of the greatest benefits of the process was creating clarity around the outcomes I wanted to see at the end of the divorce. I defined goals not only for myself but also for my career, my husband, our two daughters, and even our cats. I still have two notepad papers listing these outcomes — one on my fridge and another near my daily calendar. I’ve read them aloud to myself so often that I can easily visualize them!

Remarkably, just a year later, most of those outcomes have materialized. I genuinely believe that my goals steered the process, and I am deeply grateful to you for guiding me towards a healthy and clear path as I embark on this new chapter in my life.”

WOW!

While deeply moved by those words on a personal level...what really gives me goosebumps is that it is testament to what is possible when you lean into divorcing differently. And you know what? She is no different than you. This outcome awaits you too.

Navigating Overwhelm

I know this is overwhelming territory. It’s anxiety-producing. It may have you up at night tossing and turning. You’re likely worried about your kids and how you’re going to afford all this — and what life will look like on the other side of it all.

In fact, you’re likely so worried that you’ve even considered not leaving...and yet, you’re suffocating. But here’s something to remember, you can’t pretend you are happy. You can’t stay for the wrong reasons, unless you plan on addressing them.

Your kids feel the energy of your house, your marriage and especially your energy, no matter what face you try to put forth. Each day we are modeling for them and normalizing behavior. Try as we might, we can’t stand in front of our children and block them from life. Remember, they too will one day be faced with their own life leaps.

The greatest gift we can give our children are their own navigational tools. We can teach them to listen to their intuition, trust their gut, create healthy boundaries, communicate effectively and navigate bumps in the road with calm resolve.

You know how we do that? We model it.

No one escapes life’s ups, downs and all-arounds. It’s about being a human on this journey. Maybe we could stop trying to outrun our feelings and start facing them and feeling them.

While that may sound scary at first, it’s actually a massive exhale. 

Are you ready to breathe? To lay that burden down? To let go?

Have you tried everything, pretended, shoved feelings aside? And has it kept you stuck right where you are?

Letting Go of the Burden

Just the other day in a session with a client, I had her laughing when I called out a metaphor. For weeks she had been carrying divorce papers around in her backpack waiting for the right time, the right way and the right day when all the stars in the sky were aligned perfectly, to present them.

Her husband already knew she had filed, and these papers were only a formality — one that would avoid having to have him served, and still, though desperate to move the process along, she dragged her feet. Here’s where the metaphor came in...

I asked her, “So, you carried around the burdens of your marriage, having to be the problem-solver, the breadwinner, and the fixer...and now you are carrying around the burden of having those documents in your bag. That’s a heavy load.”

I followed it up with one simple question, “Why?”

I continued, “Inaction helps no one, shifts nothing and in fact, chips away at you more each day. Are you ready to stop bearing the brunt of this emotional pain and the reality of your marriage and make a move? Not taking those papers out, changes nothing.”

The next morning, she texted me... “papers are out of the backpack.”

There is a lot of life that happens between deciding you want a divorce and retaining an attorney — in other words, deciding it’s time to jump and taking the leap.

You’ll have feelings.

Your feelings will have feelings.

All your old wounding will show up to the party with their feelings.

And everyone in your life that was depending upon you will still be there with their feelings.

Even if your kneejerk response is to run and hide from it all or to try to climb back up off that ledge, what if you took a different approach this time?

Embracing the Leap

What if you invited it all in? What if you acknowledged that it’s not going away?

What if it’s time to invest in your needs, your life, your wellbeing?

What if it’s time to stop putting yourself on the back burner of your life?

The condition you are in while divorcing matters because it informs everything — how you will show up for the big decisions, the tough conversations with your kids, the triggering communications with your soon-to-be-ex and dealing with all the opinions of others around you.

How you show up is a direct line to HOW your divorce will play out.

There is a better path to a better divorce...it’s an Intuitive Divorce. And the mothers we work who embrace it are divorcing smarter, healing faster, protecting their kids and reclaiming their lives. They’re also saving time, money and heartache.

It’s hard to see that all now, but doesn’t that make sense?

There are times we need to leap, but we don’t have to do that alone.

And did I mention the power of group work? A part of our signature coaching program is our weekly live group classes. This is a private, small, intimate container where women walking through the same experience meet weekly. It’s a sacred container where bonds are made that last long beyond the divorce. I can’t even begin to tell you how powerful and beautiful this space is.

If something is stirring within you, no longer deniable — the undeniable truth is that you are ready. And I’m here waiting to grab your hand and jump with you, mama.