Spring Cleaning & Divorce
You might find this strange, but I was recently thinking of all my mamas out there (the ones I have the privilege of working with and all of those out there navigating divorce) while I was cleaning out my closet the other day.
Huh? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, one of the drawbacks of living in an old 1904 farmhouse is lack of closet space...as in practically none. And of course, for the past 18 years of living here I’ve dreamed of renovating and creating a walk-in.
Alas, for now I endure the dreaded ‘change over’ of my closets by dragging out numerous bins from my loft and switching my closet from winter to summer and back again. Each year I declare this is the LAST time I’m doing this, please dear God...but here we are again. Ha!
Who knows maybe I’ll build that dream closet or maybe I’ll move to a more moderate weather climate that doesn’t requires such dramatic shifts in temperature or wardrobe. Stay tuned. But I digress.
In the meantime, it does have me thinking.
This exercise actually makes me take an inventory of all that I have — and like most women I know, I wear a tiny portion of the clothing that I possess each season. Call me a creature of habit.
I try to say, “if you haven’t worn it in years, it’s got to go.” Besides, it likely won’t fit the way it did when you first purchased it. We change. Our taste changes. Our style changes. However, I’m not always good at following my own advice...at least when it comes to clothes, shoes and handbags.
I bet you can relate.
Regardless, this seriously annoying task provides an opportunity to infuse a little perspective and assess what stays / what goes.
Hmmmm.
Sound familiar? And I’m not referring to your wardrobe, mama.
What if I started to pay attention to how my clothes made me feel and remembered that I’m in control of what I’m stuffing into my closet or what I’m willing to release?
What if I didn’t judge it as good or bad — and just made an observation instead?
What if I just focused on what I do have, what’s right in front of me, what I can fix, clean and sort through — instead of what I can’t?
The same goes for divorce, mama.
Deep breath.
Divorce is an opportunity to consider what you really want. Stop shoving truths away pretending you don’t see them, feel them, know them. Eventually there just won’t be enough storage bins to hide all that.
Free yourself from this back and forth dodging your intuition.
No, this divorce process isn’t easy. Hey, who really likes spring cleaning anyway?
I’m not making light of it. I know that it may have you feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable, afraid, heartbroken or maybe enraged — maybe all of it.
I know you have so many decisions to consider and make about what direction to move in first — and I know your kids are right there witnessing it all.
Most of all, I know you want to get it ‘right’. And by right, I don’t mean perfect (if only). Emotions are messy, they don’t call them growing pains for nothing. But on the other side of this is the life you are planting seeds for today.
It will end. I promise. But as I always ask my mamas, what condition do you want to be in when you arrive there?
We forget our power to steer the ship. We forget that we get a say in how we experience life — how we respond to the ups, downs and all arounds.
And those aren’t just words. That is a practice — a practice to employ in divorce and in every day of your life thereafter. It cuts through the BS and helps you move in flow rather than fear. You get to decide. This is YOUR life.
Remember that when you are awake in the middle of the night staring at the ceiling, worrying. Or when you don’t know how to answer the questions your kids are asking. Or you don’t know how to keep your you-know-what together when your ex triggers you and you want to throw something (or someone) across the room.
Remember that you get to decide what it’s going to look like, how you want to feel while doing it. Imagine that!
You may feel completely out of control right now...but here’s the good news...that’s not true.
You may not be able to finalize the divorce in this very moment. You may be beginning the process or caught in the cogs of the court system awash with delays and drowning in paperwork and filings. But you can take agency over how you respond to whatever is thrown at you.
You get to set the tone of your life for you and your kids today in this moment. You get to choose what stays and what goes.
And best of all, you get to take steps toward the new chapter of your life.
How you divorce matters in the beginning, middle and end.
Yes, that will take making some adjustments in how you think and move through life. But one thing I know for sure, there isn’t a mama who regrets doing so.
Talk about a breath of fresh air — this is the sweet essence of freedom and living life on your terms.
Are you ready to clear your divorce closet of things that no longer fit?
What are you ready to let go of in your divorce…and life? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below…