The Money Story
I’m going to cut right to the chase here today.
You know why most women don’t join our program?
Money.
Hey, I get it more than you can imagine. You are talking to someone who literally lost everything, was left destitute, in debt and had to move home with her parents with a toddler in tow to regroup.
It doesn’t get much ‘real-er’ than that.
And regrouping doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, it takes time to rebuild and to heal emotionally, to decompress and to see what needs to be seen.
For years I was traumatized by financial instability and had a lot of money demons. So, trust me when I say I don’t take any of this lightly — not the financial investment in self, not the fear and vulnerability that divorce stirs, not the courage, not the sleepless night tossing and turning and the guts it takes to forge a new path.
None of it.
I literally walked in your shoes.
But programs like this didn’t exist for me when I was going through my divorce. There were no divorce coaches, no social media, no podcasts, no digital offerings...just a lot of on-the-job, messy learning the hard way.
Today, I wish I could scoop up every mama facing divorce with children and protect them from unnecessary pain, and endless financial draining — so they could free themselves up sooner because I know there is a better way.
I remember how scared I was and I feel compassion for women suddenly faced with having their lives turned upside down with pieces all over the place and no end in sight.
I know that it must feel completely unnerving to invest in oneself at a time like this — after likely writing a hefty check for an attorney’s large retainer fee.
But if not now, when?
If you are just beginning the process, you may not have any idea about what’s ahead — how much it can cost, how long it can take, how it can drag you through the ringer emotionally and physically, how it will affect your kids — or how this can be avoided.
Again, I get it.
But there is a price to pay for neglect. You wouldn’t neglect your kids. You wouldn’t neglect your family and friends or your commitments at work — and yet, you will throw yourself under the bus.
Here’s the reality: to get the best outcomes you need to be supported through divorce.
There is a lot that happens between appointments with your attorney or mediator — a lot of unraveling that takes place — a lot of tough emotions that rise to the surface — a lot of difficult conversations to be had with your kids, etc. The list goes on.
What so many women don’t realize is that:
Investing in yourself is investing in your outcomes of the divorce.
You are worthy of investment.
You are so much more capable than you know.
And the best part, this current state of messiness can unveil your opportunity for beautiful emotional healing.
You know we can be resourceful when we need to be. Think of how many times in your life you found a way to pay for that vacation, or that new sofa, car or house you wanted, or any other assorted retail therapy-esque item. How many times were you able to pull a financial rabbit out of a hat to make something happen for your kids or to get a bill paid?
This is important mama and there’s so much at stake for you and your kids. Finding a way to get the help you need as you navigate one of the most (if not the most) painful moments of your life, is a declaration that I matter! And how I get my kids through this matters.
Yes, HOW you divorce matters.
And I’m not trying to pitch or sell you anything — but rather to remind you that it is OK to ask for help and to invest in that for yourself.
I know the power of this work. I witness transformation before my eyes every day with the mamas I work with. I see the ones who couldn’t stop crying or the ones who couldn’t stop raging or the ones who felt belittled, betrayed and diminished for years — begin to heal and reemerge as their authentic selves.
It is a slice of grace to experience.
And no, it doesn’t happen overnight, or simply by thinking happy thoughts. It takes showing up, dedicating to shifting the narrative and leaning into healing. While that may sound like hard work, it’s actually a huge release.
When a woman puts down the burdens, she’s been lugging around for years that have kept her stuck in a place she no longer fits — incredible things emerge. It’s an exhale and a homecoming — and so much less painful than living a lie.
I see the seeds that get planted and I see the flowers that bloom in that garden. But it requires investment.
And I honor the women who invest in themselves.
Don’t just take it from me. Here’s a portion of a text I received early one morning recently from a graduate of our coaching program.
It left me in tears — happy mama bear tears.
She encapsulated it all. No sugar-coating here. This mama went through hell, but found a way to be supported, to show up, to nurture herself — and to heal.
Her ex is actually mad that she doesn’t fight with him anymore. He’s confused by this calm demeanor that no longer engages in the unhealthy dance to nowhere. Frankly, he doesn’t know what to do with it or how to communicate with her.
In the midst of this process, she moved twice, bought a new home, excelled at her work, came back to herself, decompressed her nervous system, settled into a new community and best yet...became the mother she wanted to be.
Can you put a price tag on that?
You are priceless. Your wellbeing is priceless as is that of your children. Find a way to support yourself through this, mama.
We can always find funds, but we can’t always find peace if we neglect our needs.
What’s the money story you are telling yourself? Again, I don’t take financial commitments lightly — but I’ve also learned my worth throughout these years of my own ups downs and all arounds.
Anything that frees me and propels my healing is worthy of my financial investment.
I’ve learned the hard way that trying to ignore this reality only costs me more down the road in body, mind and spirit.
I don’t want that to happen to you.
We invest in just about anything and everything...and yet, for some reason when it comes to self, we women hesitate and try to qualify it. There’s only one person you need to justify this to — and she’s staring you back in the mirror.
What do you need to be supported? What do you need to be the mother you want to be and living the life you want to be living?
And btw, a year from now, the actual cost of investment will be irrelevant to you. What will matter is the settlement you achieve to protect your financial security, the wellbeing of your children, your emotional healing and your new, happy, easeful life. Priceless.
So what’s your money story now?
Do you ever find yourself paralyzed or dismissive when it comes to investing in yourself? Could you view it differently? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below…