A Thank You Note I Never Thought I’d Write

Me and my son

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Today is a day that is noted in my calendar every year and has been for 23 years! Some may find it a strange day to call out, or even remotely celebrate, but for me it makes perfect sense...

It’s the day my entire life imploded in every way possible. And yes, I celebrate it. No amount of denial could outrun this experience. I couldn’t pretend it away. Every cell in my body remembers and I celebrate every cell in my body that fought for my survival because...

• It’s the day my ex-husband was arrested in a high-profile securities fraud scandal (before that was even an everyday ‘thing’).

• It was the day a federal judge signed an order to freeze all of our assets (including every penny I ever made before I was even married).

• It was the day we were humiliated publicly in the media, newspapers, TV, reporters outside of our house.

• It was the day my marriage blew up into a million pieces and a tale of deception to rival any Lifetime Movie emerged (one that included blackmail, extra-marital affairs, children out of wedlock and pretty much deception in every aspect)

• It was the day I ran behind an attorney in federal court like a skittish cat trying to process what he was telling me, “Your husband is headed to prison.”

• It was the day I panicked and wondered how I was going to raise our 2-year-old son.

Yes, it was the day everything fell apart — so it could be reassembled. And no, I don’t have on any rose-colored glasses. There was no soothing the cut of this knife.

I rarely share this story publicly because it is deeply personal to me and my son (who is now a 25-year-old man of great heart and integrity). But sidenote: he always encourages me to do so. When are you going to write the book, momma?

I tell you this, not because I need anyone to comfort me or tell me how strong I am or anything else. I tell you this because I celebrate where my life landed, not because of what happened to me, but because of what I did with it.  

Please read that again.

And I celebrate how strong and resilient we mothers are, even when we don’t feel that way.

I have walked through the valley of darkness. I lost my marriage, my home, my perceived identity. I was forced to move home to live with my parents.

But you know what?  

I am so thankful.  

I’m thankful I’m out of that marriage.

I’m thankful that I’m awake.

I’m thankful for the healing journey.

I’m thankful for the discovery and becoming.

I’m thankful for all that I have learned.

I’m thankful to the seed of courage that I held onto that grew into a new version of me.

I’m thankful that I was given a new opportunity to become the woman and mother I always wanted to be.

Did I make some regrettable mistakes along the way? Sure, I did. Do I wish I had the support then that is available today? OMG, yes!

But I found my way...and so will you. No matter what is going on in your life right now.

And if I leave you with nothing else, hear me when I say that what I realized more than anything else is that reclaiming your life isn’t about anyone else. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, what you did, what they did...it matters what you do now and where you are headed, for your kids and your future.

This is your healing journey. I know because I walked it and I walk beside other mothers every day providing emotional support and strategic guidance so they can divorce smarter, heal faster, protect their kids and reclaim their lives.

If you want a better path to a better divorce...it’s an Intuitive Divorce. 

I didn’t learn this part in a book or a class or a certification program...I walked the walk and talked the healing talk right into my next chapter.

So yes, each year on February 5th I send myself a ‘thank you’ note and I remind myself that the next time I feel triggered or anxious, I see this as evidence that I can do hard things...and so can you.

You are writing that story now. Ask yourself how you want it to read.  

Yes, you will likely need a team of professionals to get you to the other side of your divorce that may include a lawyer, financial advisor, co-parenting counselor and a coach. But the most important person on your team is YOU.

As I say all the time, the condition you are in while divorcing directly impacts the condition of your outcomes and even how you get your kids through it all.

Take my hand. I know what to do. You are not alone. I got you.

And you know what?

I want you to be able to write yourself a thank you note too!