I Used to Be Fun
Recently, a mama in our coaching program shared a post in our private group where she wrote, “I forgot that I used to be fun.”
WOW, that one hit home.
I bet you’re nodding your head in agreement.
Fun and divorce usually don’t play well (‘usually’ being the operative word...but hang with me a moment).
What overwhelmed working mom can’t relate to that one? Oh, and then you throw in a divorce on top of it all.
You’re probably thinking...I used to be a lot of things!
I used to laugh
I used to be healthier and take better care of myself
I used to work out
I used to be skinnier
I used to be really social
I used to be playful and creative
I used to feel more alive
...and then those aspects of yourself got lost in the shuffle of obligations and showing up for everyone and their sister because YOU sacrificed yourself on the altar of motherhood.
Yep.
Sorry. You participated in abandoning these parts of your life.
Now, before you think I’m condemning you or suggesting that you beat yourself up — I want to stop you right there. This is a huge revelation.
Guess what?
If you can see how you abandoned yourself — you can see how you are the one in control of changing that!
This is where it gets good.
We mamas are often hardwired to take it ALL on — way more than we can handle — and then make it look easy. But it isn’t. Something suffers...
...and that’s YOU.
So, let’s do something about it instead of sitting around and lamenting about the good ol’ days.
The mama I was telling you about at the beginning, also included the most amazing photos of her and her kids that documented how she was showing up, playing, and remembering that she in fact WAS fun.
As they say, a picture conveys a thousand words. These pics conveyed a million and made my heart, and that of all the other mamas who saw them, beam with happiness.
It was also such a reminder for each of us, divorce or no divorce, that at any moment we can shift out of one mindset and make a different choice — one that supports how we want to feel and who we want to be.
Being present with your kids is the best medicine a mama navigating divorce can gift herself and her children.
Yes, divorce is hard. It would be easy to get sucked up in crafting responses, strategizing, rehashing every bit of the process with friends and family, etc. OR you could remind yourself that though life may look and feel differently right now, this is temporary and I’m also allowed to take a time-out from all of this divorcing to laugh, play and enjoy the moments in between it all.
Life doesn’t stop because you are getting a divorce. Even if it feels emotional and filled with uncertainty, it’s going to take some time. Why add to the suffering unnecessarily?
Are you willing to give up that precious time, to surrender your happiness and wellbeing?
I hope not.
You know, I often tell my son (now almost 25 years old), that success isn’t being happy during happy times when all the stars are aligned and everything’s going your way — it’s about finding ways to still be happy during the not-so-happy times when they are not.
We may not like our current circumstances, but two truths can co-exist: I need to take action steps to shift my life, but I also can find ways to laugh and play.
I still laugh looking at the pics of the mama I’ve been speaking about. In one she was dressed up like a Ninja playacting with her kids, in another she was in an axe-throwing place, and in another she was skiing. In all of them she was alive, smiling, feeling like her Best Self mama, remembering that not only was she once fun...she still is.
She simply had to allow herself to access this part of herself and step into it.
I think we can all take a page from this playbook.
Give yourself some time to consider the parts of yourself that you have allowed to slip away. Allow yourself to remember it all.
Who were you?
What were your hopes and dreams?
What did you love to do?
Then ask yourself, where did she go and how can I find her again?
No one says we have to turn back the clock and reclaim our twenty-year-old selves, but what aspect of her do you want to reclaim and nurture and incorporate into your new chapter?
What kind of a mama do you want to be (yes, even here in divorce)?
How do you want to feel in your life?
Start today with one memory, one longing, one baby step in the direction of supporting that.
And I mean baby step. Don’t overwhelm yourself when already overwhelmed. That won’t help move the needle. But remember that one baby step propels the next and together they write a new story and new way of being.
This is what it means to divorce differently and to harness the power of your intuition. There are realities to the process that you will have to contend with — and no one ever said healing from an unhealthy relationship or pattern was easy. But on the other side of this is freedom — the freedom to design the life you choose, a conscious, heart-centered and intuitive one — a life of calm and ease.
All the things that you used to be are just there waiting for you to come out and play again.
An intuitive divorce is one that not only takes into consideration your time, money and strategy so you can make the most prudent decisions — it allows you to see that there is so much more to the story, and you are at the core of it.
The condition you are in when you arrive at the end of your divorce matters. How you heal and come back to yourself matters. And you can do this while you go. It’s a gamechanger in divorce and life.
Fun doesn’t have to be an afterthought. And neither do you.
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Want a better divorce experience and outcome for you and your kids? Book a free divorce strategy session and let’s explore your situation and lay out a path forward.
Feel like you’ve lost a little of your fun? Please share in the comments below so we can continue the conversation…