The Money Talk

No one really likes to talk about money — especially when it comes to divorce — especially when it stirs the worry pot — especially when you may or may not have previously relied upon your spouse — and especially when you are not used to advocating for yourself, let alone investing in yourself.

Ring any familiar bells?

It’s a triggering subject.

But mama, like it or not, this isn’t the time to put your head in the sand. If you’re staring down a divorce, you need to be a part of the conversation. In fact, you need to have a seat at the head of the table.

Why?

Because this is YOUR life we’re talking about. Everyone else is going to go back to theirs when the dust settles but you’ll be left with the results.

I don’t point this out to scare you. I point it out to empower you.

And before you think I’m insinuating that you need to know HOW to do all of this, let me cut you off at the pass. You’ll have a lawyer to guide you through the law, you’ll likely have some child therapist or co-parenting counselor to guide you with your kids and likely some financial advisors involved too to walk you through the division of assets.

But where are you in all of this?

There are a lot of mitigating circumstances in divorce, some that are way beyond your control. What you can control is your state of mind and wellbeing. And you need to know what a critical role that plays.

Your state of mind informs your ability to weather this divorce storm, to have the tough conversations with your kids, to handle the opinions of others, to make big decisions and to stay grounded when your ex tries to manipulate you.

Most mothers who go through divorce will tell you that it cost far more than they ever could’ve imagined, took longer than they could have fathomed and dragged them through the ringer emotionally.

There are some harsh realities about cost (there’s a price tag to fighting), time (the courts are backlogged) and emotional health (it’s easy to get depleted).

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

The women who invest in themselves, invest in their outcomes, invest in their wellbeing, invest in their ability to be able to show up for their kids — are in a completely different state when the ink dries on the divorce papers.

These are the women who are able to take control of their divorce rather than the other way around. These are the women who are coming alive again, trusting themselves and making smart moves for their kids and their future.

Bottom line these are women who understand that they are investing in their healing, transformation and results — and they don’t have a choice if they want those outcomes.

They don’t get to pick the perfect circumstances. They understand they need this now. Not investing in self NOW will only come back to bite you down the road. I see it time and time again.

Women who try to play nice for the wrong reasons, end up having to switch gears and waste time and money.

Women who try to file by themselves, end up retaining lawyers.

Women who hire attorneys because they are less expensive, end up changing attorneys midstream and paying more to have the new attorney play catch up.

Women who sacrifice their self-care, happiness and health during the process, create more chaos for themselves and their kids.

It’s honestly that simple. There’s a lot at stake.

You don’t really have a choice. This isn’t the time to ‘wing it’.

As one of the mamas in our coaching program recently declared, “Of all the money I spent in divorce, this was the best investment by far.”

Here’s the money talk: get it right before it goes wrong. Invest in yourself. Take action steps to protect yourself, your kids and your finances from the onset. That will yield the best results.

Aren’t you, your kids and your future worth it?

We go through life seeking the best...the best doctors, schools, neighborhoods, jobs, even restaurants...don’t you want the best divorce?