Will You Remember Yourself?

Divorce is one of those events that will leave its imprint upon you. You will forever be a changed person. But change is good — especially when you are looking back from the other side of an unhealthy marriage, one where you were lost, unseen, unheard — or worse, abused.

Divorce unleashes you from that and provides you with the opportunity to heal old wounds, break patterns and release limited thinking that likely contributed to your arriving there in the first place.

It’s hard to imagine now from where you stand, in the midst of the chaos and emotional upheaval...but it’s true.

One day you will likely not recognize that previous version of yourself.

She’s still you; the vulnerable, confused, frightened version that persisted and got you over the hump.

When you get there, you’ll want to look back and thank her.

I get that it’s difficult to have any hindsight when you are in the midst of navigating your divorce process in all of its complexity. You’re probably running in a hundred directions at a million miles an hour just putting out fires and holding it all together.

Or perhaps you are stunned, stuck and still — paralyzed by all that’s happened.

And in the midst of that, you probably haven’t taken the time to realize all that you’ve done right, all that you’ve done for your kids and your future chapter...but you know who’s watching? Your kids.

Even if they aren’t able to yet articulate it or connect the dots — they are sensing, feeling, experiencing it all from the front row. They feel the tides of change beneath them.

I recently received a text from a mama who is a graduate of our coaching program that simply made my heart smile. I love getting updates from these women as they round the bend of their divorces and I celebrate their wins.

And by ‘wins’ I’m not referring only to financial settlements and legal agreements. I’m talking about next chapters...new homes, new routines, new dreams, new ways of becoming more of themselves.

This mama was days away from moving into her new home when her young daughter reminded her that it was their anniversary — a year since their family fell apart. I remembered it well. It was such a difficult time for my client, but here she was one year later standing on her own two feet — laughing, purchasing a home, returning from a women’s retreat...becoming...

The words of her daughter were so wise and profound...she excitedly recounted to her mother how a year ago, she could never have imagined that they would be in their own home.

But this is precisely what my client had fought for — to create a peaceful home life for her and her daughter to heal and to free them from the oppression of the old story.

Yes, that is what my client was able to do because she showed up for herself. She faced all her uncomfortable emotions. She cried and cried until her tears became wells of healing water releasing her. And she did it with dignity, kindness and compassion. That’s what she modeled for her kid.

That’s winning.

When my client shared this with me, I just asked her to bask in it for a moment — to see the reflection of herself that her daughter had shone back upon her. Could it possibly get any better than that?

Don’t rush by these precious gifts. They are sprinkled about you when you consciously choose to divorce differently.

Scoop them up and remember who you were and how very far you’ve come...

You are doing this, mama. Keep going. And maybe you want to take a picture of yourself, so you never forget. I want you to remember this moment —and may it always remind you what you are capable of.

I see you.